space in monak

A Seattle Fall

2012-01-03T01:58:00.000-09:00

A few weeks ago I was in Seattle when I slipped on a tile surface, injuring the ass of my spine. This injury has been the singly most traumatic I have physically ever experienced. No one was there that I know to share how hard I fell that night, but it was significant.

He's Just Not That Into You (Again)

2011-12-09T20:37:00.001-09:00

Living a life of a thirty-something single female in NYC seems thrilling on television, but in Fairbanks, Alaska it's a little less than titlating. Well, one thing is for sure, the pool is much smaller...and I'm afraid circumstances tend to repeat themselves for sheer lack of activity, rather than interest.

Is the world just one big pattern that is interwoven as human lives?

Raw

2011-11-01T01:35:00.000-08:00

what is it in my mind,
the place where I feel like sharing something
but nothing is really there

why is it that i pretend to be something I'm not
and the people who I think will play
that game
will say to themselves
that is not my game

I'm just living

what is it tha someone you love
deeply
deeply
loves you
and you love them too,
and they leave

what if that happens to you?

it will.

Too often, I think that I will leave here
but why?

Case in Point

2011-10-25T21:27:00.000-08:00

Today a lady called me to bitch about a PFD issue she's been having for 20 years. Her story is incredible, and though I can't go into it here, it makes me think of a few things.

1) I listened to this woman for at least 30 minutes, and while I was happy we were not in person together, where I would have to refrain my eyerolls, I could hold the receiver away from my head and make annoying gestures because she just couldn't shut up. But, that's my job. That person is my boss. She is the one who pays for my salary, and she has every right to call up our office and spew on about her ridiculously complex situation.

2) I have nothing to think about people who do this, than to wonder what sort of lengths they have already been through. I could hear the desperation in her voice. The frustration behind the question : "Who is making these laws, and for what?" I feel pretty terrible when I can't answer those questions. I feel the same way.

3) At this point in time, it is easy to count the whistle blowers as being crazy, or indignant. After trying to find my way through this bureaucratic mess, I wonder myself what is it all for? It certainly is enough red tape to make you go mad.

So I am left with questions that cannot be answered. But, I don't believe that is a reason to stop asking questions.

I cannot be accused of not understanding something. If I don't understand something, how many other people are there out there who don't understand the same thing? This is unfair to think that because we are elected officials, because we have an entitlement role, that we should know more than the people. In fact, the people should know more than the people who are leading. In most cases, I am sure, they do.

Leadership

I've decided it is a skill that is born. Real leaders have something inside them that ignites the people around them. They have something that others believe in. They induce change. It's not a fluffy thing, because I am realizing that good leaders aren't always the smartest, sharpest, funniest, best-looking people. They get shit done cause that is what they are supposed to do. The funniest, smartest, best-looking people are there to guide the way, and essentially lead the leader - but they lack a commercial charm.

The problem that America is facing is that the definition of "Leader" has resulted to the shrewdest, "smartest", best-looking, charming person. It is true that these characteristics can add to a leader, but leadership takes courage, spirit, and dedication. Those characteristics are born in a human, they aren't made.

As far as the woman who called today with a 20 year history in 30 minutes? All I have to say is: Lady, I'm with ya.

Thinking of His Departure

2011-10-22T19:45:00.000-08:00

Seeking kisses in familiar territory
the last time
to know
the lips
the air
the breath
the hips

Whet kisses
reaching
to remember a day
with more
future
that stayed familiar

Not changing
bright
not dark
wet
not dry
high
not low

Lust Lusty Lust Lustified
We find ourselves
brave
enough
to see the truth
of what
we remember
coward enough
to hide
from what we
don't
know

Saturday Muse

2011-10-22T16:39:00.000-08:00

Shapes, squares, circles,

all there

branches and twigs cast shadows in the light

blue sky reigns

snow

sits

quietly

on thick, brown evergreen trees

twenty feet high

High as me

watching from inside, admiring the day

and staying inside

to bake

and dream of going outside

once I am fed

You've seen it already

2011-08-16T18:21:00.006-08:00

A girl in a movie sneers at some undeserving guy she's been wasting her time on, and ends up throwing something as his chest while she puffs off in a fit full of part satisfaction and part relief. Then the camera zooms into the guy, who unexpectantly (though he really should have expected it) watches her leave without trying to do anything about it because he's frankly too lazy and confused about what exactly is the problem. While ultimately another person, more bright, more fulfilling, and more right for each of them awaits somewhere off in the distance, probably thinking about their very meeting at this very moment.

Then the movie goes on about the guy, and he ends up being strange and quirky, but irresestiably likeable to the viewer. And ultimately, there is a scene in the movie when he reunites with this seemingly forgettable lover and realizes that, in fact, his life is better without her. And the viewer has pity on her because she wasn't strong enough to read between the lines or secure enough to stick through it with him.

Fuck that.

Getting a Tan

2011-08-10T18:00:00.000-08:00

I've been working on my tan. Indeed, this has become an obvious obsession to anyone around me. I think the effort has been going pretty well, and the golden skin I garnered in my youth as a lifeguard in Iowa is at least 60% comparable.

Adversely, I'm living in a damp and dark "cabin" in downtown Fairbanks. It's a lovely little hole to crawl into, certainly nothing fancy, (I've been told this actually isn't a "cabin" because it has running water. Eh, whatevs...) but certainly a place that's hard to come home to in the middle of the midnight summer sun.

Which, ultimately, gives me a standing excuse to work on my tan.

So after work I decided to stop on the riverwalk, read and soak up the sun. I chose a park bench, forgoing my usual choice of a grassy knoll. My bike was laid on the bench to my right, and my backpack was open on my left. I took up the majority of the bench, intentionally, as if to signify it was mine, and my intent was to be alone.

But that was not the case.

The first visitor, a straggly Native man wearing too many clothes in such hot weather! Jeans and tennis shoes, a long sleeved shirt, and a button up jean shirt slung across his shoulder. He had shaggy hair and an oversized hat.

His eyes were small and close together, and his skin was thick and brown; his face cratered by bad acne, or maybe something else.

"What are you reading?"

"Chocolat"

"Have you ever heard of the author Ann Rule?"

"No."

"She wrote Green River, Running Red about that guy in Seattle who murdered all the people along the banks? She also wrote the one about Jeffery Dahmer." (I've learned he may have been referring to Ted Bundy.) She's a murder mystery author."

He proceeded to go into detail about the real cases of horrific serial-killer stories that she has written. I phased out a little for two reasons. 1) I was assessing the man. What did he want? Why was he talking to me about mass-serial killer mystery books? 2) Jarred out of my book of a dainty French village and chocolate, I felt sensitive to the subject matter. It made me uncomfortable.

But I sensed that he just wanted to talk to someone. So I engaged.

Intuitively it seemed, he sensed my sensitivity. "I was a Marine. I guess people just like different things."

"Well, at least you read! That is the good part!"

He laughed and started walking past my bike. I was sure he wanted to snatch it. "I don't read!"

Then he pointed to my skin. "Too white. You get dark like me and I'll marry you!"

We both exploded with laughter as he exited. I went back to reading.

Guy No. 2 walks by. As he passes, I smell the unmistakeable scent of hard alcohol.

"What are you reading?"

I respond.

He asked if he could have a seat, and before I could reply, he took one. He was from Canada he said, Fort Yukon, upriver. Right as he sat down, another man passed us.

"Vehicle," he murmured. "Ma'am can I borrow your vehicle?" he aggressively asks me.

"No, sir," I brightly replied. He chuckled and walked off.

I returned to my new visitor. He was in town for the WEIO competing in his first high-kick competition. His kick was 10 feet. The record was 11.5. We chatted about being in Alaska, he visiting a few times, only once to Anchorage, and first time in Fairbanks, and I here for two months.

"Two months and you still white?!" He held his arm up to my leg.

I admired it. "Oooh, very nice and dark."

"I'm always like that!"

He didn't stay long. He was looking for his cousin to bring back to Fort Yukon. But his cousin had run away from him and was now lost.

Cindafuckinrella

2011-07-31T22:14:00.002-08:00

"When does it really happen? Give me a name of someone."

"Cindafuckinrella."

2011-06-30T10:19:00.004-08:00

"Greatness is not in where we stand,

but in what direction we are moving.

We must sail sometimes with the wind and sometimes against it -

but sail we must and not drift, nor lie at the anchor."

-Oliver Wendell Holmes

Last May I was given the advice from a psychic: "Don't get lost. Don't be lost." I'm trying not to. Maybe too hard.

2011-06-29T23:09:00.003-08:00

Have you ever been given advice that you take so to heart that it ends up consuming you? That the actual thing you were advised not to do is what had manifested?

Like: "Clean your dishes as you go when you cook."

Yeah.

White Space Place

2011-05-02T20:44:00.004-08:00

Floating, flying...

A space of no resistance, a space of place

A high that doesn't leave, a sadness while heavy is left projecting flutter

A space of freedom

Where I look for rooms without walls, I find myself falling, falling...forever falling

different space, nothing to fall into or out of

white space

without clouds

white space

even the people I look to for support

look back asking the question

who are you

and I must look into my own face

and bravely answer that question

To be non-judgmental about others, is only possible to own myself

and use the courage others see in me to seek inward

for my own possibilities

The falling air is a crossroads,

my feet have not touched ground

I've been flying on my own high

or falling to my own demise

when will I find the words to speak

the ground to stand on

the presence to show who I am

without hiding behind an idea of something that appeals to the people

who seem to be falling too

Is life on a constant repeat,

and where you stand in one place at one particular time

is where the cycle begins to circulate again

this time

with sometimes new players

and usually new pieces

but always with the same repeating fucking instances

a falling, a circle, that just doesn't break

Feelings in a jar

held in my hand

even when the wind pushes me around

and the jar leaves my grip

it falls with me

filling with more emotions

that are made of air, light

like how I continue to fall

Again, Party Politics Suck

2011-04-05T21:50:00.003-08:00

In the final days of the first of the two-part legislative session the experience seems like a roller coaster ride.

what ive learned during my first year as a legislative aide.

1) holy shit. what are you doing?

2) wait- what are you doing?

3) dancing is generally discouraged in the halls

4) Loud talking inside the halls is generally encouraged.

5) the copy machine room can be a nice retreat.

6) if you have a ball chair, you will please many.

7) so what are you doing?

8) Rainer is awesome.

9) Juneau is the most inconvenient town.

10) So....wait- what are we doing?

2011-02-04T20:31:00.000-09:00

Sometimes you win without ever having to play.

We are America.

2011-02-02T21:38:00.003-09:00

So...here's a thought...

Egypt is run by an asshole. America thinks they are run by assholes. America is fighting some desert fantasy war that is easily wearing thin on the American people. America likes to be good people - by winning wars. Egypt is in a war America can win.

Why?

Because everyone in America thinks Egypt is run by an asshole, too. A real asshole. A Hitler.

History does repeat itself and this has happened before. I almost feel excited that it is happening again. It's a signal of a wave of evolution. How good is it going to be?

People will die. And things will suck.

But Egypt is signaling a strength. It started with technology. This fight was organized on Twitter, with the Google, through the intertubes. It is the first war over technology. It is not the first war over power, however.

Wars, like love and peace, are at odds with each other. A yin and yang. When another part of the world is hurting and acting on their hurt, collectively, it is powerful. I can feel the power of the people rising from Egypt. They care. They are more powerful together than one person alone.

I also feel the new spirits (?) that are here. They are quite souless and lost. They do not have an idea about what is right and what is wrong, and they don't care. They have never been made to care, and they don't probably have it in their genes. It has disappeared. They are like robots. They have also existed before, but our numbers, the numbers of people living on this earth multiply quickly. Both good and evil.

Is it a loss of DNA?

Can feelings change DNA over time?

We can still be the other side of the anger, and have peace. We can take this moment in history and learn from it. We can appreciate that we are allowed a civil discourse and we respect the process, and always challenge it, like we challenge ourselves. That is what we are supposed to do. We are America.

A Gold Star

2011-01-31T21:39:00.000-09:00

Today, was the day I had been waiting for. All the suffering, the agony. The incredibly stupid question after incredibly stupid question about all this governing stuff. It's been three weeks since I started my job at the state capitol. Being in a state legislature was nothing that had ever crossed my mind. Ever.

I think that is why I love it so much.

Afterall, I am a writer. I am a voice. I am a salesperson. I am an organizer, an event planner, and a good-timer. None of these things, I thought were what it takes to be working for the people. But, it does.

Today was where it all came together.

You know how Mondays are. They suck. For whatever reason, they just suck. Even if you really like your job, like I do, MONDAYS SUCK. For one thing, I've two days to myself, to do what I want, free-will as I may. If I don't do the things I need to do, there are consequences, of course. But those are my consequences to own. On Monday, I belong to the people. And, damn, the people are fucking demanding!

Schools are going to loose investing in their children if they aren't funded, children are being taken away from family members to live with others, eldery have no one else to call but their closest representative about their problems. The people have many needs. And we must take care of them.

This morning, I felt bitchy. I hate that ravaging self of mine- the one with claws and sharp teeth, and a voice made with a hissing sound. But I knew who I was when I woke up, and I knew it was going to be "one of those days." Fortunately, it really wasn't. Personally, this could be because of one or two things.

1) I was repremanded by someone who acted more bitchy than I felt.

2) I was so busy, I couldn't even try to be a bitch. It would be too much effort in the wrong area.

Then, the opportunity of glory was upon me. I had a committee. The first committee I attended, of which, notes I was to be takin'. And do you know what I did? I took those notes, I did. And I turned them around in lightening speed. My deadlines were 30 minutes too early, I realized after I whipped them shits out. That's right. And for the rest of the day, I received compliments and accolades for a job well done. I didn't even know what I did, but wow, I felt like I had done something really great. I still don't really know what I did, except do what I was told.

I honestly dont think this is anything significant, though to be recognized by my peers and colleagues felt really great. Like a Sally Field moment.

2011 to the Future!

2011-01-18T21:54:00.001-09:00

Relocated to Juneau, Alaska. Started working for the Alaska State Legislature. Have no idea what I am doing.

Stay tuned.

Volunteerism

2010-12-23T00:43:00.001-09:00

I hope you enjoy this video I put together of volunteers at the Mt. View Neighborhood GIFT drive at Clarke Middle School. I told people I wouldn't put them on Facebook, but would give to people who would. Merry Christmas, everyone, and make volunteerism part of your 2011.

Beatlemania 2010

2010-11-22T19:19:00.006-09:00

I really thought there would be much more of a clatter about The Beatles' music becoming available on iTunes. Hardly is there ever a time or place where you would be able to find all of these songs and albums in one place, let alone get to purchase them at the same time. But there's a remarkable silence. Maybe the Beatles just aren't marketable anymore? Maybe they don't need to be.

There is nothing more I have desired as is with the Beatles Box Set. iTunes has set the price at an affordable $149.00 through instant download, and I am absolutely foaming at the mouth to download every lyrical vocal of that righteous band! Instead of these girls swooning over the four handsome artists in 1969,

it's me, swooning over my computer screen and drooling over all the songs I could have right at the tips of my fingers. For only $149.00! Man, I love Steve Jobs.

So is it right or wrong to own the Beatles songs only on a digital company? I am, afterall, a product of the Y generation. I know what CD albums are, but frankly, in my nomadic state of being, I can hardly tote around the crappy CD's I already own, let alone 13 of the finest albums ever recorded in the history of mankind!

Of course the backlog of this breakthrough is a long, and sometimes painful, history between Mr. Jobs, Apple and the band. There's also something about Michael Jackson in there, but apparently that really has nothing to do with this deal. While the late MJ shared the rights to over 260 Beatles songs, the original recording label, EMI and Apple Corps own the actual recordings of the songs performed, originally, by the Beatles.

This certainly puts my fears that I would somehow be ripping off the 1960's boy band to rest. Indeed, while sources say Apple Corps and the iApple we all know and love (or hate) will make less money from these downloads, the money that is profit from the deal will be shared in an undisclosed amount between the adoring Steve Jobs and the remaining Beatles (or their loved ones.)

And just think about all those OTHER artists that will also benefit from selling their music off of the "suggested artists" on iTunes. Those always get to me. Songs I love from The Rolling Stones, Creedence Clearwater Revival, The Monkees, Simon & Garfunkel, and company.

Ahhhh, all is well in the 21st century. Now, if I could just twitter Santa a heads up on this year's wish...

MoFoPolitics 101

2010-10-24T22:34:00.000-08:00

Election Season in Alaska

Joe Miller wins the R nomination because //MURKOWSI thought "Who is this idiot? I'll beat him."

Then low and behold the gift of Joe Miller was actually from all the nutzo people who never vote for anything because they are too fat and happy living off the government's teet- as long as they don't ask me about it.

But it ended up just the opposite because there was an emotionally compelling Proposition on the ballot about abortion causing enraged hormones? Shut up. No one really knows how that happened.

Anyway, the Democrats didn't even throw a campaign because, uh, hello, the obvious MURKOWSKI.

So everyone is scratching thier heads and thinking everyone who thought they were voting for MURKOWSKI really didn't show up to vote.

Right. So now the Tea Party nods their heads, and claim a victory, and the Democrats call a meeting.

Meanwhile the Repbulicans stand stunned by the low blow. Like there was no one home. HELLO? REPUBLICANS? (whistle) (Black) We thought you were supposed to be the check to our balance.

So they all donate the money they were saving on a clearly honorable (and presumably already won) nomination. (cash register sound)

The rest gets complicated and complex and includes the likes of handcuffs, amendments and constitutions, three highly cartoonable characters in a dead heat for Alaska's next senatorial position.

Anyway, in the meantime, a Governor's race is challenging between two candidates - Droopy Sean Parnell, and a Desperate Ethan Berkowitz.

But everyone just sees Sean Parnell as a droopy puppy and Ethan Berkowitz flaming mad as hell. So who do you want?

Isn't the OBVIOUS choice Ethan Berkowitz? So will they show up? MURKOWSKI

Then, an interesting race on the Congressional Side includes incumbant: READ: HAD THE SEAT BEFORE moose killin' Don Young. Harry Crawford is the opponet- a sweet southern guy also with a bit of good ole downtown good boy spirit. He's sick of being in the minority as a Democratic State Representive. He wants go big or go home.

But everyone OBVIOUSLY knows who is going to win this race. OF COURSE Don Young is. If people show up to vote. MURKOWSKI.Somehow the next largest race comes from some houty touty hillside, streetside, southside, sometime, around all these parts right around in here and there District P for the state senate seat.

There are two ladies, both equally bitchy and menopausal. Janet Rieser on the D ticket and Cathy Weiggsel the weasel representing the Tea Party under another R cover. (slower) Stuuuuuuuuuuupid Rrr's!. (video-Man shaking fist- black and white)

Oh, yeah, and then there's Phil the guy who actually would be a fantastic choice for a Senator. He's slow, not reactive, articulate, respectful, and passionate about his opportunity. Best Choice. DZIMBINSKI (or something like that).

I see a pattern here, and all the choices seem pretty clear. Or perhaps it's not about choices, rather the lesson that is being repeated.

So anyway, the first class of MOFOPOLITICS 101 is commenced.

Downright Scary

2010-09-07T23:39:00.006-08:00

me: are you supporting Joe Miller?

Friend: yes. he's from Kansas

me: any other reason?

f: I like that he's Christian and very conservative

me: k...

f: My parents are Republican so I'm a Republican and that's just how it is in our family

me: ok...are you voting?

f: yes

f: why all these questions?

me: just wondering... never met a Joe Miller supporter and I am intrigued by him.
I hope you look into his strategy for Alaska. Even if you aren't planning on staying, you could have a real impact to the future of our state. And...it goes a lot further than familial party politics and state alliances...with all due respect. I think the world of you.

f: Yeah you should meet him he's a really nice guy.

me: that really doesn't matter.

f: Yeah I think all my inheritance would go out the window if my grandmother found out I voted for a Democrat
ha ha
No I really like Joe Miller and he's got a tough road ahead but he will do a great job

me: I'm sorry. The devil was well liked for a while too.

f: oh well should be an interesting race. I better get some rest before tomorrow hits- good night

me: yes. sleep well.

Sleep well while I lie in bed with my heart sunken to my feet, my stomach churned into a bowling ball, my head spinning into Senate race dreams of chaos.

I'm terrified. In my own head, I have painted a picture of the Joe Miller camp carrying guns and wearing red shirts that says "I Hate Fags." I've pictured them with big families with big crosses and scriptures stuffed away in their fat wallets. I've pictured them with something just a little crazy in their eye.

But I did not picture them as the blonde haired, blue-eyed sweetheart from next door. Uh oh. This is where the Miller's and the rest of the crazy clan start to get really scary. These sweet, energetic, caring and talented people who are blindly following someone because they were nice to them. Because they were from their state? Because of their inheritance?

I immediately wanted to come through the computer and jump down her throat. “Are you crazy?!” I would insult. “Have you gone mad?!” I believe this might be a part of the Tea Party strategy: to just be as crazy as possible to gain the most media exposure, increasing name recognition and avoiding issues like renewable energy, oil and gas development, sustainable communities, homelessness, poverty, health care. You know- those things.

I'm in shock. How does one reason with ill-logic like this? My grandparents have a bumper sticker on their car that says "I'm spending my grandchildren's inheritance."

This isn't going to be an easy race to win. In fact, it just got much harder. Much, much harder. Scott McAdams and the state of Alaska need your help. Please visit his website or call the Campaign Headquarters at 907-297-2575.

I'm flabbergasted. Must. Try. To. Sleep.

Party Politics Suck

2010-09-05T09:19:00.005-08:00

In a recent article by Bob Poe in the Alaska Dispatch, Poe shames Alaskans voters for not voting in the Alaska Senate race, leading to a Republican loss for Alaska's single senior Senator, Lisa Murkowski. To the horror of most people in the state, albeit a majority of non-voters, Joe Miller snaked himself into the race, endorsed by none other than Sarah Palin with beaucoup dollars from the National Tea Party.

And because of this, the expected democratic nominee, Scott McAdams, won the race, but not in the landscape predicted by the party. Frankly, McAdams probably didn't have a chance against Murkowski. But with crazy-town Miller pulling in and setting up shop, with all the bells and whistles and national financial backing, the seat for Alaska's next US Senator just got real freakin' interesting.

So...here we are. Sitting in the Last Frontier. Not voting. Playing the same political games we laugh at the Lower 48 for.

Poe's closing paragraph is right on:

"Only 28 percent of registered voters bothered to show up to vote in the August 24th primary elections, 72 percent did not -- you know who you are. Yep, life is busy and sometimes showing up on a specific Tuesday to vote is a hard thing, but in Alaska we can both vote early and absentee. When we don't show up we allow, in the case of the senate race less than 10 percent of the voters to decide our state's future, our futures, and most importantly, Alaska's next generation's future.

Shame on us."

While the voters (or non-voters) are the subject of Poe's article, I find it hard not to look at the candidates of all the races. Perhaps "voting" should be a stronger campaign message.

I know what political strategists and advisors are saying: "Why waste my candidates time talking about voting, when he or she could be talking about themselves?"

Well, perhaps that's the problem. Candidates are only talking about themselves. They are not talking about the people of this country who hold their nomination. They are not empowering the public to take control of their voice and vote for the betterment of the local and national community. And, to be fair, the voters are letting them.

The message should be about bringing people back to the idea that we can work within the system that we have. Look, our political process is f'd up. There are so many things wrong about the way we operate our country, it has turned off the American population. They don't understand, they don't think legislation will effect them, they don't believe they can make any sort of difference with one vote.

Maybe the two party system worked for the country that we were when it was created. But like every individual, business, corporation, and relationship, it must change with the times, grow and adapt for the betterment of the great good. Today, the party line is nothing but a way to divide people based on wedge issues. And voters who only vote on party lines are lazy and committed to keeping wedge issues as a manipulation of public emotion.

"I'm a democrat because I believe in free choice. What would your daughter do?"

"I'm a republican because I believe in the right to bear arms. If a D gets into this seat, he will take this right away."

Good Lord! Our 10% of voters sound like children on a playground.

Our nation is lazy. We are fat and lazy. We sit in our big houses with big mortgages, toys in the driveway, watching television, while our children play video games and eat Cheetos. We spend our money on plastic food, and plastic surgery, and after we eat our third or fourth meal of the day, we snuggle into our cozy California King sized beds, and drift off to a plastic dreamworld.

And when we have enough gumption to talk politics, we surround ourselves with people who think like us, and act like us. We talk about how we could do it better, or how we see the solution so clearly. We debate the "other side." We are always talking about "the other side."

I'm personally confused about who the "others" are. Blue Dogs, Tea Party, Libertarians, Democrats, Republicans, Centrists, Far Left, Far Far Right...

Aren't we all Alaskan? Aren't we all American? Aren't we all human?

In order to regain order of this country, we need to see past party politics. Abortion was passed in 1973. Does anyone else think this argument keeps America in 1973? I'm living in 2010, where we believe in each other to make decisions based on our own personal belief systems, because we live in a free country, where we send our own children to die for this freedom.

One vote does make a difference. Are we going to inspire people to vote by the party line? Or can we find it somewhere inside ourselves to elevate the conversation past the political Hollywoodicking to something that ignites a little flame of patriotism? Voting is patriotic. Voting strictly on a party line is not.

We will see more people voting in the November 4 race, and because we are victims of an outdated two-party system, each of us will have to choose between voting R or D. Will you be voting on wedge issues of the party, or will you be voting for someone who can work with the rest of the country, while moving the state toward a sustainable future? Are you voting because you want to see "your side" win, or are you voting because you want someone who can work within the system we have to get what we need. Alaska is a misunderstood state, with much to prove. It is not easy to represent Alaska in Washington. Our representatives need all the sane national support we can get. That means finding the commonalities and beginning there.

All the things we are slating to improve and correct for our country today- the big ones- health care, jobs, education, financial reform- need to be prioritized by the people we elect. And we need to elect people who can understand how to work within the political structure we have today. Sometimes this means we elect scholars with knowledge of strategy and debate. Sometimes this means electing someone who has seen what the true consequences are when Washington makes decisions based on party lines.

We've already lost Poe as an elected political official. And we've already lost one particular Joe Miller endorsing governor to fame and fortune. It's okay to make mistakes if we learn from them. Alaska deserves better.

Invictus

2010-01-03T07:54:00.004-09:00

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

William Ernest Henley

The Death of the Rockstar

2010-01-01T14:50:00.006-09:00

In light of last night's musical performances by Jennifer Lopez (no longer J-Lo) and the Black Eyed Peas, I am somewhat convinced that the death of the rockstar has happened. With all the glitz and glam of each performance, it seemed clear that music is less about the ability of an artist, and more about the production of the show.

I've been in a show production in one way or another since I was 13 years old from performing in my first play as a card in Alice in Wonderland, to promoting national Broadway performances such as The Graduate, and touring artists like Al Di Miola, as well as hundreds of events. In each of my experiences, the production is a critical component to a successful performance. Component being the key word.

What happened to the days of a microphone, a guitar, and a drum set? It seems interesting to me that we that we are so used to the hype, so enthralled with the dazzle, that skill seems to take a back seat. If you can scratch and claw your way to the top with only a healthy dose of sex appeal and a generous compilation of bling, you too, can have a show on the Dick Clark's New Year's Eve Celebration. Or anywhere else or that matter.

Up In The Air

2009-12-27T23:24:00.007-09:00

I attended the movie "Up in the Air" this evening, in a small, vintage theater in Ashland, Oregon. The theater was impressive, with bold colors, delicate light fixtures and a humble stage. After all the hype and excitement surrounding movies like "Avatar", and "Sherlock Holmes", this was a dramatic change of pace for this moviewatcher.

I wasn't sure what I expected, the cast looked compelling enough to go and see it, and with the description of the movie found on my newly loaded iPhone app, Flixster, I thought it fit the bill nicely for a light comedy with some Clooney eye candy.

I was wrong. My experience may just have been because I was expecting a different movie than what I saw. Perhaps with a different impression, my review of the movie would be different.

While I can't give "Up" a thumbs down, I was surprised by it's depressing nature of life, work, and love. The sheer fact that the loss of jobs in mass execution is something that is done virtually without meaning, and the vast black hole of the reality of human choice left me with a sadness of truth often forgotten. Further, that taking a risk on making a connection may be something we tend to take for granted this day in age. But in the words of Alfred Lord Tennyson "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."

Under my recent circumstances of facing unemployment by choice, I appreciated the spin of "a new opportunity" in light of the faced unfortunate circumstance. It made me think perhaps my choices not as hasty, but as taking for granted the fact that I hold the talent and desire to strive for my dreams, instead of settling for a paycheck without loyalty.

The movie left my heart a bit depressed with the heaviness of truth in business and truth in life. Clooney's character made his living by delivering the worst of news to hundreds of people a month, provided motivational seminars to white-collared sell-outs to eliminate the responsibility of life and live with an "empty bag".

My bag is full, not of the possessions that I own, (in fact there are hardly any) but of the people and experiences I have had the good fortune to know. It begs the question: is life something you make, or is life is something that has been given? And at what point, should it all be tossed away to achieve the dream?

I would recommend seeing this movie, for the thoughtful script, the engaging characters, the execution of the actors, and the wonderful soundtrack. Just beware of the raw truth of human life.

3 1/2 stars

The Process of Thought

2009-11-27T12:45:00.004-09:00

It's taken me awhile to come to a solution based thought process. It seems difficult for people to think in "yes" terms- easier to think in "no" terms. I may have mentioned before about my friend who eliminated negative words from his vocabulary. He expelled contractions: "don't", "won't", "can't", "shouldn't", etc. and rephrased them positively. It is a challenge to change the way you speak without these words, but with some practice, life looks a whole lot easier. I thought for the sake of humanity, and to encourage the human race to think of life positively, I'd provide the process of this exercise.

When you are presented with a situation in which you find yourself thinking and saying it is not possible, ask yourself this one question: "How can we make this situation possible?"

With some thought, you will be able to come up with a few different scenarios. It is likely these scenarios will look overwhelming to you, and seem like a lot of work. This is probably not so. When you get to this phase in the process ask yourself this question: "What tools are already in place to make this situation possible?"

After a brief inventory check, the solution to your problem should become a little clearer. This may or may not include others who can enhance the solution. Another key is to always seal it with a "KISS". Keep It Simple, Stupid.

Many times, this simple process needs to be repeated and recycled to come to a resolution.

Pirate Radio Rocks!

2009-11-21T16:25:00.003-09:00

Pirate Radio, a new movie starring Phillip Seymour Hoffman, rocks. The story, set in the late 1960's is laced with sexual innuendos, explicit language, drugs, alcohol and rock and roll, all aboard a ship cast off the shores of Great Britain, airing music that the BBC strictly would not play during a time of a music revolution. This story of DJ outcasts broadcasting from a large ship was a preliminary to the deep character of radio as we know it today. It's hilarious, touching, and entertaining.

If you love music, freedom, and revolt of government, you should go see it.

My love and passion of the broadcast medium come directly from radio. I, fortunately, have never had to live in a time when music was restricted from airwaves. Even when I was eight years old, the airwaves served as a comforting place for me to escape, and because of that love, I've been working in radio consistently during the last four years, as a sales representative, on-air DJ, and now a co-host to my own show.

There's just something about radio. The urgency of the airwaves, the tireless dedication it takes to program a station. The work live radio asks of the talent, and the relationships the public create with that talent, is a huge engine to a community. The energy and philosophy behind a live radio broadcast filter through the speakers and into the ears and minds of millions at a time. The entire opinion of the population can be changed in an instant with a radio broadcast. Radio shocks us, makes us laugh from unpredictable talk show hosts, inspires and teaches us, makes us mad, engages us. Even more than television, is the impact of radio. It makes a listener think in pictures, design with the mind. Without radio, all kinds of radio, we as human beings would be ridiculously ignorant to opinions and trends. Radio is responsible for information dissemination, for whatever information you want to consume, be it entertainment, politics, news, or weather.

Radio today faces many, many changes. Radio producers and owners fear the rise of the Internet and what it may mean to the fate of the industry. Now, instead of 29 stations in Anchorage (an absolutely ridiculous number of stations for the population), there are millions of stations available to anyone sitting in front of their computer, or connected to their cell phone. Listeners are seeking a broader taste of their favorite radio programs. Especially in Alaska, where radio isn't exactly pushing the boundaries of innovation or even talent, listeners are tuning in to national and international stations that give them everything they have ever wanted. So what is missing?

The Death of Community Radio

Community radio used to be where anyone could get the latest information on anything they wanted. It's true, today, again while at the computer, anyone can look up anything they desire and find only the information they desire. So the relationship has changed. It is no longer broadcast media feeding an audience information, be it in news reports or in advertising, but now, the consumer has that control through the Internet. Sure, if a listener doesn't like a song or an advertisement, they are at will to change the station to get their information elsewhere, but radio is a relationship medium. People may switch between a few stations, or even all of them, but most people, will find one or two (possibly three) stations they love, and will stay between them because they have developed a relationship with the character of the station and the talent on that station.

What may be easily underestimated is the place radio plays in a community. Internet radio will provide a place for listeners to get the news, talk, or music they want, but it won't have the information about what is happening in your community. Sure, some of this comes from advertising, which most people claim to hate, but think about it; isn't advertising doing you a favor? Aren't stores who are promoting their sales and specials, or even just promoting that they exists help you in your purchasing decisions? Some of it comes from the talent, from news updates, and from talk-show hosts, mostly also driven by advertising.

Good or bad?

There is no doubt radio will have to find a way to adapt to these changes in consumer relationships. I believe competition breeds innovation. While probably not as dramatic as newspapers, radio will indeed succumb to the Internet. And like newspapers, the radio industry will need to find a way to fight for their listeners to stay in touch with them. An old model of radio isn't going to work on the Internet, just like an old model of newspapers isn't going to work on the Internet. That is why they are failing.

The Solution

I don't know what the solution is to preserving the medium of radio, especially community driven radio, but I'm willing to offer one suggestion, and that's convergence.

By adopting a convergence model for all media types, radio, television and news reporting will retain their relationships with consumers. Of all the places to get the information one desires, the place that can offer it all will win. But, but, but... I can hear the buts...but what if? What would it mean to advertisers, who drive any media industry, to reach all types of media consumers? How much value does one place offer that allows consumers to get information of all kinds, their favorite kind, in one place? I'm not sure what it looks like exactly, but I am sure it will happen.

And like pirate radio, it will move the industry forth to include any type of information anyone ever wants to gain, while including community.

So, rock on.

The Count: To all our listeners, this is what I have to say - God bless you all. And as for you bastards in charge, don't dream it's over. Years will come, years will go, and politicians will do fuck all to make the world a better place. But all over the world, young men and young women will always dream dreams and put those dreams into song. Nothing important dies tonight, just a few ugly guys on a crappy ship. The only sadness tonight is that, in future years, there'll be so many fantastic songs that it will not be our privilege to play. But, believe you me, they will still be written, they will still be sung and they will be the wonder of the world.
- from the Pirate Radio movie

Tedx

2009-11-14T23:27:00.008-09:00

Today I spent the better part of my time sitting in the Syndey Laurence Theatre in the Performing Arts Center in Anchorage. I was excited about the prospects of hearing new ideas and taking myself to another level of understanding. I was attending the first ever Tedx Anchorage event.

If you aren't familiar with Ted, it's a concept to take note of, especially if you consider yourself to be intelligent, enjoy thought-provoking material, and embrace curiosity. If you don't own (or admit to owning) any of these traits, Ted is probably not for you, but I would encourage you to take a peek anyway.

I admit when the concept of Ted was first introduced to me, I thought it would be a place where the quacks of the world come together to talk about quacky things. You know, things that sound like they could be something great, until you realize that the material is what you realized years ago, and mostly relate to common sense principles. I guess it's always good to reevaluate those principles, ones that make up the very fabric of your being, but that's the thing. I guess I assume that since this cognitive understanding is a part of the fabric of me, then why do I need to listen to someone preach about it? I don't. (Though I see the value of the message and I've also seen the impact they have on opening people's eyes and minds to experience life in just another sphere.)

Ted isn't like that. In fact, Ted could very well leave you in the dust if you aren't paying attention, and if your mind and your body aren't already subscribing to these very principles. Am I being vague? Perhaps principles could be replaced with enlightenment. It just sounds a bit pretentious, but I think it probably best describes what I am trying to convey. So if you desire or subscribe to being enlightened (and if you aren't above it), Ted will take you there in ways you wouldn't expect.

TED is a small nonprofit devoted to Ideas Worth Spreading. It started out (in 1984) as a conference bringing together people from three worlds: Technology, Entertainment, Design. Since then its scope has become ever broader. Along with the annual TED Conference in Long Beach, California, and the TEDGlobal conference in Oxford UK, TED includes the award-winning TEDTalks video site, the Open Translation Program, the new TEDx community program, this year's TEDIndia Conference and the annual TED Prize.

-Ted.com, read more here

Making Our Own Decisions

2009-10-22T21:31:00.004-08:00

It's an easy world today- the world of making decisions. One practically has no reason to think for oneself. I sit down at my desk every morning, inundated with tweets, and updates, and chats. I get blurbs of information I can choose to investigate or ignore, but one thing I have noticed is a diminishing foundation of unbiased information.

I think this is probably true because of the overwhelming amount of information available to us in this digital world, and more, I think it is because we, as a society, have become accustomed to being spoon-fed information from any chosen source as a way to feel "informed". It's a personal frustration of mine, one I see everyday when people merely consume the information they are presented without questioning the sources or even considering the point of view in which a particular piece is slanted.

I remember reading an opinion piece by Julia O'Malley not too long ago that questioned when our news was chosen based on the political party one belonged to. That resonated with me because I see people merely regergating information that is 1) wrong and 2) very biased.

Has it always been the way of news, this income of information based on a particular slant? And, if so, was one so compelled by the one side that they forgot to consider the other? These are the questions I am faced with daily when selling the content of the Alaska Dispatch, an online newsmagazine. I've nailed down the response to one when they ask, like I'm about ready to divulge a secret no one knows. "So, what side is the Alaska Dispatch writing from?"

I say, "It's funny. We're really trying to capture the integrity of journalism as it should be: an unbiased, fact-based story you yourself could trace down if you had the inclination." It's true, and it's refreshing. Journalism without a slant. Reporting without an agenda. Sounds so hard to comprehend. Sounds scary. It is. The truth usually is.

But the Alaska Dispatch is a small fish in a big pond of racing opinion and editorial content, easy to drown, and easy to dismiss. I'm sure you could find others who are forging through the mass chaos of new media, desperate to throw themselves at the mercy of the all-mighty reader. Yeah, the Alaska Dispatch is taking a step back, in some cases. Sure, as the only online newsmagazine in Alaska, they are breaking ground, and churning with the tides. They are riding the wave of an everchanging industry, constantly in motion, continuously adapting to the pressures of the newspaper/online collide.

Personally, I want people (read: you), informed, engaged, active citizens to ask more of your news resources. Want more of where you stand and what you stand for, seek truth beyond colors or parties, or fads. Why are we, the American Society, so caught up in making it day to day, that we forget our presence and place in creating and consuming the news? It's a sad day to realize we are a spoon-fed society, and we don't ask more of the people holding the other end.

Rats off to the Anchorage Chamber of Commerce!

2009-09-17T22:37:00.010-08:00

“Rats off to ya! Wonderful!” that’s what I texted my friend, Jessica Duncan, as I left the Discovery Theatre tonight after the 52nd Anchorage Chamber Gold Pan Awards, an event she helped coordinate as staff of the Anchorage Chamber of Commerce. The phrase is from a ridiculous animated sitcom called Tom Goes to the Mayor, and it's a joke we have to prop each other. Anyway, I was at the debut of the re-polished and rejuvenated business community award ceremony, and it was fabulous.

A chamber of commerce does many things. They wear many community hats, and have many community faces. That doesn’t mean they are fake- not that anyone thinks they are, but because the membership is involved. A very large part of the Anchorage Chamber membership is involved, which was so apparent tonight by the class of people in the room, and the level of commitment and dedication and volunteerism they all shared.

I guess I underestimated what this event was going to be like. I dismissed it because the time had changed from Saturday night at 7pm to Thursday after work at 5pm, and the event was not a “formal dinner” as it had been in the last 50 years. The beginning was a cocktail reception at 5pm with the ceremony starting promptly at 6. I mean promptly. There was no sneaking in late, or crouching in the background. You have Jessica Moreno to thank for that. As I understand it, she was the mastermind of this evening’s beautiful ceremony, which lasted exactly one hour. Painless and entertaining, it was an awards ceremony of none other I have attended. Afterwards, guests were treated to hors d'vours and the group again networked with each other.

Megan Baldino was the MC. She was able to bump her Alaska Club work-out for the fun-loving business community, before she reported the evening news. I didn’t see any cameras there, but I thought she added a creditability and relevancy, and tradition to the night. I think many people bumped their work-out schedules for an early evening out, and the crowd looked great.

The script was elegantly written and thought out, and two podiums were placed at each end of the stage with a brightly lit burnt-orange background. The program moved smoothly along from speaker to winner to photo to speaker. The categories were delivered straight to the point and the recipients stood up in the crowd as a bio of their works and dedication was read.

Sammi Glascott welcomed the audience, nervous and contained. She's the new president of the chamber of commerce, and she looked extremely proud to have a dedicated and caring staff , the foundation this membership, who are truly amazing.

I realized tonight the genius of our chamber of commerce were the people behind the scenes of the event. The people who greet you with a smile and a warm hug or handshake. The people who play politico best, who represent 1300 diverse business interests, who aren't afraid to change what they started, and who embrace their membership. They work their asses off for the membership. For someone to be in their club.

I wonder if it stopped being cool to be part of a membership. Did it stop being fun to be around people who held similar interests and desires? I wondered why the backlash of being a part of something that legitimizes and enhances a business community, and I realized it has everything to do with the organization. It's a circular relationship- one that feeds off each other. The health of the membership is determined by the efforts of the staff and to some extent, the board. And the health of the staff and to some extend the board, is fueled by the active participation of members. The organization is only as good as the membership, which tonight left no doubt in my mind is a high class of dedicated, experienced, determined and engaged business people.

For years, I've been going to the Make it Monday forums. It was the one of the first things I did when I moved to Alaska in 2003. The chamber was my introduction to Anchorage through these lunch meetings where we prayed and said the pledge of allegiance, and had lunch with bankers and politicians, and salespeople. And it was always a nice occasion. I sat in the back and made friends with old men and they liked to tell me how the chamber of commerce "used to be" and how they "just don't know about that man on the stage." They were (and still are) dutiful and supportive.

I quickly became aware of an after hours event called Business After Hours where I got out of work early to come plan a party for business owners, board members, and salespeople where wine and beer was served free of charge and the food was catered. I stood at the front desk and greeted every person that walked in and I observed the relationships between them.

I also began to notice that this BAH crowd, was mostly not the MIMF crowd. Actually, I may not have noticed that until tonight.

Then, I discovered that I could be on a committee!!! So I signed up for things like the Citywide Cleanup, the Ambassadors, and the membership committee where I met newer people and had my first direct contact with an active board member.

Then I decided I should work there as their Membership Director. Then I decided I shouldn't.

After all this time, the chamber of commerce and I have had a love affair. Our Anchorage City Chamber is a four star rated chamber. That means it is recognized as one of the leading chambers of commerce in the United States. Even more than that, it serves as the gold standard of professionalism in business and community spirit for the entire state of Alaska.

Change being inevitable, is still very difficult. Changing a 50 year tradition of the business community takes patience, savvy, vision and guts, and this chamber of commerce did it perfectly. I know they would say it is because of the membership that this was able to come true, and to an extend they are correct. The people and membership makes this organization rich, but the staff of the Anchorage Chamber, every one of them, is an outstanding individual.

I like this event because it highlights the people in the community who do care about their impact, and they have made it a piece of their business model. I wonder if people are always nominated based on their popularity, or of their monetary support throughout the year, or because of some friendship somewhere. My conclusion is: probably. And that's okay, because those are characteristics that a business and a person must embody to be awarded a Gold Pan Award. Those suckers are huge! It's a big deal and it should be treated as such. In the end, the people who stand out are the people who care, for whatever reason it may be, they care. The level of care in this community and from the chamber of commerce membership is outstanding. Tonight, it was apparent, as all the leaders of the crowds, the BAH crowd, the MIMF crowd, The BOD crowd, the Ambassador Crowd, the Staff crowd, and all the other crowds which represent the Anchorage Chamber of Commerce, that our business community is political, active, fun, and thriving.

"Rats off" to the next 50 years, and beyond!

The Perfect Purse

2009-09-09T01:11:00.004-08:00

It's really a weird phenomenon. The relationship between a woman and her purse. It's precious cargo. It's a lifeline. The relationship between a woman and her purse is one of the most complex, thought-provoking, mysterious infatuation you can probably come up with. Shoes and jewelry following closely, of course.

My mom's purse was always mysterious. We were never allowed to rummage through Mom's purse. If we needed something, we had to bring her purse to her. What was in the purse that was in need of such protection? What was it that made her purse so territorial?

I recently bought a new purse. A new distraction of infatuation. I love it. And it is BIG. I've noticed with my new real estate that I can carry lots of things in it. Things I chose to not carry all the times I have had a small purse. But my world is changed; my eyes have been opened.

Now, I can carry around such important things like lotion and three kinds of lipstick. Water bottles fit nicely, as does lunch. My camera and keys and wallet do not need to be arranged in a perfect order before the zipper closes. Instead, they fall into the deep, black abyss that is my purse and disappear, making finding things much harder. I also find I can store other things, like papers, documents, gum, hairpins, clothespins, earrings, change, my phone, my phone charger, my camera, my camera's battery charger and my camera's cord. Magazines, mail, sunglasses, toothbrush- anything I want, I can now carry around with me.

I feel like in some way I have graduated to a place of womanhood where the place of the purse becomes a staple- a statement- and a necessity.

When you talk to people about purses, everyone has an opinion. And mostly, the opinion includes how much they spent on a purse. I do not like spending money on purses- especially ones that substitute for a walking advertisement. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about advertising, but big flashy letters on my purse just isn't my style.

But there's something about purses that makes every woman feel confident, prepared, armored. There's something about that ownership that makes every woman connect on a certain level that only women can relate to. The perfection accessory. The perfect purse.

Social Fundraising- Anchorage Twestival. Meet. Tweet. Give.

2009-09-07T14:35:00.010-08:00

With the emergence of social media is coming a whole new world of possibilities for making money. But this isn't just for commerce. People right here locally are raising money for organizations with the help, or sole aide of social media such as Twitter and Facebook.

If you aren't twittering or Facebooking you are missing out on a big piece of the world as we know it. What were originally dismissed forms of communication are now very real pieces to any business or person's marketing strategy.

So what is Twestival? Aside from taking a few times to let it roll of your tongue, it's a fun word to say and a fun concept. In short, it's a global idea to raise awareness and dollars for local non-profits. Cities around the world have chosen to be a part of Twestival including San Francisco, Amsterdam, Beijing and Oslo.

But WAIT! THERE'S MORE!

Using the partnerships of Amiando, Go To Meeting, Blurb, Scribble Live, Causecast, Twibbon, moo.com, Huddle, and Genius Rocket, Twestival has developed a strategy for raising money where 100% of the proceeds go toward the goal. If you have ever been involved in fundraising, you know what this means. If you haven't, you should know that organizations have to pay stiff fees for using credit card processors, online registration modems, printing and advertising that eat at a usually high percentage of the funds raised. All of these services have been provided from these partners allowing every single red cent to be counted toward the goal of each good-doer group goal.

Twestival has even enlisted in the help of Ashton Kutcher and the story has been picked up from news organizations like CNN and even rumored to be showcased by Oprah.

Twestival Anchorage is raising money in support of the Alaska Native Arts Foundation to the tune of $75,000. The events are happening September 11-13 internationally, but there are several large community events happening that weekend (including the 5th Annual Mardi Gras Street Party on 4th Ave.), so the Anchorage event happens September 15 at the newly remodeled Anchorage Museum at Rasmuson Center.

If you're still cornfused about the whole idea, take a few minutes to try it for yourself! Sign up for a Twitter account and start tweeting!!! If your opinion about social media still includes the word cumbersome, then retweet back to good ole' word of mouth. Talk to people about Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, LinkedIn, etc and learn about what they are, how they differ from one another and how you can benefit by connecting with people virtually. And talk to people about Twestival.

With this concept comes much more than even I can understand, including a book of twestivals which will feature A-Town's very own, videos, and blogs.

I was surprised to find many Twestival videos with a simple search on YouTube.

Twestival is an encouraging sign of people caring about their community and finding new and innovative ways to engage, locally, nationally, globally. There is still much to learn and much to create when it comes to virtual tools, but it's nothing to be scared of and it's certainly nothing to dismiss. You will surely see more events like Twestival pop up in the future, and now is a great time to see what it's all about. If meeting in person is still your style, I'll see you September 15 at the Museum. Buy your tickets here, or donate online.

The Lion King

2009-09-06T12:00:00.008-08:00

When the Lion King started advertising last February, I quickly made the assumption that I wouldn't be going. After years of putting on concerts and working with the public on large and small productions, going to the theater seemed to have lost it's luster in my world. Anchorage has a unique production problem as part of the United States. It's extremely cost prohibitive to bring full productions of Broadway plays to Alaska, therefore usually resulting in half the decoration and half the excitement of the typical show. This, however, was not the case.

Before the lights went down the show began and immediately the powerful, moving music of The Circle of Life engulfed the audience. Figurines of animals performed by smiley, sparkle-eyed artists streamed through the auditorium. From the back, a spark of life electrified the audience and flowed through every person who slowly turned their heads to see the procession of brightly colored giraffes, gazelles, buzzards, butterflies, antelope, even a life-sized elephant. It was a tremendous site, and it kept on giving.

After the initial shock of this life sized animal kingdom wore off, I could focus on the story of The Lion King, which is about a young, rambunctious cub, destined to be the next King, his father, Mufasa, The Ruling and much-loved King, and the greedy, dark, stingy uncle/brother who kills The King and orders for little Simba's death, first telling him to "Run! Run away...and NEVER return."

This plot is the first act of two, separated by a fifteen minute intermission, and took the audience around the The Pridelands and The Kingdom of Pride Rock, including Rafiki's Tree, The Water Hole, The Elephant Gravegard, and The Gorge, where Mufasa sacrifices his son's life only to be killed by his brother, Scar, who has plotted his death for the Rule of the Kingdom. Each place was brought to life with full scale production, from stargazing backdrops, to moving grass, and even staging a stampede. I was hot when it was hot, and cool when it was cool. I had left my seat, and my place in Anchorage, Alaska, and went to where they were. I humored myself thinking there was a real-life African desert in the middle of the arctic. And that's exactly what it felt like.

The lights never dimmed from the intermission to start the second act. The ensemble returned in all it's glory back to front, and the audience is brought back to life in The Pridelands, where Scar has ruled for years, and is now gloomy, scarce, and dead. Herds of animals have moved and panic is real amongst the kingdom's lion den. Nala (Simba's-young-cub-friend-and-destined-to-be-his-Queen-grown-up-a-bit) leaves the area in search of food and finds a solution.

Simba has grown strong, yet has forgotten his purpose. He had run away from it, yet his nature was taking ahold and life in The Jungle was becoming too small for this young adult cub. Nala literally runs into him in The Jungle and they are soon elated to discover each their own friend. Simba must now face his past and return to Pride Rock and make his claim to the throne and where the Herd and his kingdom are in desperate need of a revival. He does and you can imagine what the ending is like for all involved.

The Lion King captured hearts of millions in the 1994 cartoon movie release by Disney, with it's coming-of-age story-line, spirited music, and amazing characters. It's not easy to recreate a kingdom of African animals in the middle of the Arctic. The key, like any performance, is that the actor must become their character. In this instance, it just so happens, the characters are jungle animals. Every one was interpreted with exquisite precision, predictable in their own characteristics, and familiar enough to enjoy. Talking and moving, pouncing, and jumping all the time becoming their animal. I wonder if they ever have personality conflicts after 6 week shows.

The best of the singers was Phindile Mkhize, Rafiki the Baboon. Her vocals were bright and rich and strong. Her bio in the program states that she was on the recording album of The Lion King in 2004. Nala, Marja Harmon, was also a stand-out singer performer.

The rest of the cast, including young Simba and Nala, and old Simba, seemed to be holding back something. Their voices never fully encompassed the passion and exuberant score. For instance, I really didn't believe young Simba when he sang he "just can't wait to be king." I attribute this to possible stage fright on the first night. They weren't quite having fun yet.

During the standing ovation at the end, smiles were generously given to the cast onstage as they stood in appreciation of the cast, the live orchestra, and the percussion sections cleverly built in each corner of the auditorium. Hoots and hollers from the crowd roared the loudest I have ever heard showing overwhelming approval and satisfaction.

Disney's The Lion King is produced by WestCoast Entertainment and is in Anchorage until October 11 at the Atwood Concert Hall. According to the CenterTix website tickets are $25- $85, and great seats are still available. If you've never been to the Atwood Concert Hall, every seat is a good one, as long as you can avoid someone with a big, fat head sitting smack in front of you.

monak's Rating: A

Growing Pains

2009-08-17T23:43:00.004-08:00

Anchorage is going through some growing pains. It's typical when shock is induced on the community. Think about what Anchoragites and Alaskans in general have been through in the last six months. It's been a crazy ride, and it makes sense that there is an outcry of passion flooding through the political gates.

Anchorage, in particular, has been through severe leadership changes since Mark Begich left the mayor's seat and moved to the Senate. Acting Mayor Matt Claman ended up pissing most everyone off before he even had a chance to do anything good. Do you know Matt Cleman? You're not missing much (for a politician). Enter 15 candidates who believe they can run Anchorage the way it ought to be run, and a highly debated and voted election leading to a run-off election between Eric Croft (D) and Dan Sullivan (R), thus giving victory to the heir of the mayoral title for the next two years. All of this happening under the microscopic eye of the national media covering the Sarah Palin Saga, Vol.3.

Anchorage is going through shock. The state of the city's leadership has been in a questionable mold for a short intense amount of time. The people of Anchorage have gone from having an democratic, diplomatic, socially aware mayor, to a direct, no frills, businessman. No question Dan Sullivan has a different way of approaching the good of the order.

I relate it to an adult who is dealing with a child that doesn't respect or understand his or her discipline strategy. It is a completely understandable reaction for a child whose authority they do not know, to act out in behaviors that seem irrational. That's the analogy- except we're voting adults.

Our community is growing and growing is painful. I remember when I couldn't sleep at night because my legs hurt so badly from "growing pains". I can't sleep now because my growing pains concern my community. But like my legs, which have grown long, the pain and suffering of our community will create a place approachable and progressive place where we can keep growing and growing and growing.

Maybe it's appropriate to reference the Rolling Stones, "You can't always get what you want. You get what you need."

Maybe Anchorage is getting what we need in order to be what we want.

The Voice

2009-08-17T23:33:00.005-08:00

There is a time in every person's life when they find their voice. They hear themselves and like it or not, they understand the solid truths that make up their core being.

It's an interesting process, this finding of voice. It's something that during a busy day, surrounded by smart, vibrant people with bright ideas and influence can get swept into their thoughts. It's easy for one to listen to the news and read the paper and contemplate what the words actually mean, and what the story is actually about. It takes time and thought to find the voice, the one, unique, vibration of sound.

But that's not the end of it.

There hopefully isn't an end.

Because once a person finds their voice. Once they can sit alone, in silence, without distractions and without influences, and open their hearts, they hear their own voice. Small at first, like a weakness in the dark, far away.

Like a small child at the end of a muddy tunnel, scared and cold, but alive and thankful. The child walks toward you, and as he becomes more familiar with the sounds of the distant drips, the damp smell of vegetative waste rotting beneath his feet, he becomes aware and comfortable with the environment. Once he walks into the light, you see it is but a small man with a deep, strong voice, filled with character.

It makes sense, then, when the darkness melts away, that what's left behind is a stronger image of self, and a stronger will of desire to find the voice to make a difference.

Exercise Creativity

2009-08-04T15:03:00.000-08:00

Exercise Creativity

Awakenings

2009-08-02T22:58:00.006-08:00

This is a film with Robin Williams as Dr. Malcolm Sayer, and Leonard Lowe (Robert DeNiro) a thirty-something male who has lived his life since age 11 as a catatonic patient in a chronic hospital. The only person left in his life is his aging mother, who visits him everyday to comb his hair, put him to bed, read to him.

Dr. Sayer, with a background in botanical research is hired out of desperation by the hospital to deal with the chronic psychological patients. Being used to being alone, and mostly removed from humans in his personal life, Sayer finds himself connecting "atypical" symptoms among the most removed patients. After relating the disease to Parkinson's, he finds a drug that helps pull each individual out of their numbed minds and back into the world of the living.

Dr. Sayer: You'd think at a certain point all these atypical somethings would amount to a typical something.

There are several fascinating occurrences throughout the movie of the will and drive to help humankind. After he finds the medicine a cure to Leonard (DeNiro), he asks donors of the hospital to help fund the costs of the cure to the other handful of patients to the tune of $12,000 a month. Eventually, each of these patients are brought back to life where they can walk and shower by themselves. The viewer watches each of the patients remember who they were and who they are in a world they no longer recognize.

Lucy: "I can't imagine being older than 22. I've no experience at it. I know it's not 1926. I just need it to be."

Anthony: [cheerfully] How's it going?
Frank: How's it going?
Anthony: Yeah, how do you feel?
Frank: Well, my parents are dead. My wife is in an institution. My son has disappeared out west somewhere.
[pause]
Frank: I feel old and I feel swindled, that's how I feel.

Margaret: Miriam, there's no easy way to tell you this, so - your husband - he was granted a divorce from you in 1952.
Miriam: Oh, thank God!

At the climax of Leonard's recovery, he calls the doctor in the middle of the night, pleading that he needs to talk to him. Sayer rushes to the hospital to find a clear headed, exhilarated Leonard.

To paraphrase, he communicates to Sayer that people are missing the point to life- taking for granted the simpliest things, like human touch. He's baffled by the lackluster approach to life he's seeing people adopt, just to get through the day. He notices this is the failing of humans, and he dedicates his illness and his life to making people understand.

Of course not everything is what it seems. Before long, the medicine begins to wear off, and Leonard continues to fight for his freedom of life, loosing in the end.

Dr. Sayer: His gaze is from the passing of bars so exhausted, that it doesn't hold a thing anymore. For him, it's as if there were thousands of bars and behind the thousands of bars no world. The sure stride of lithe, powerful steps, that around the smallest of circles turns, is like a dance of pure energy about a center, in which a great will stands numbed. Only occasionally, without a sound, do the covers of the eyes slide open-. An image rushes in, goes through the tensed silence of the frame- only to vanish, forever, in the heart.

The story takes you through an emotional rollercoaster of sadness, humor, triumph, perseverance and determination, and leaves you fulfilled and inspired about life.

Dr. Sayer: What we do know is that, as the chemical window closed, another awakening took place; that the human spirit is more powerful than any drug - and THAT is what needs to be nourished: with work, play, friendship, family. THESE are the things that matter. This is what we'd forgotten - the simplest thing.

Among the hard work, determination, insecurities, passion, deliverance, and success lies the strings that keep us connected to each other and to this life. It's here in the thread where we find the inspiration to keep going, keep trying. As healthy, active, thinking men and women, we have the capacity to grab ahold of this life (or metaphorically let go) and say WHOO HOO!

Life is good.

Short Codes - Instant ROI

2009-07-23T10:34:00.001-08:00

Short Codes - Instant ROI

Posted using ShareThis

How to Make A Beautiful Life

2009-07-21T22:04:00.010-08:00

a birthday card from my parents:

Reflections For a Daughter

On Her Birthday

Love yourself.

MAKE PEACE with who you are

and where you are

at this moment in time.

Listen to your heart.

If you can't hear what it's saying

in this noisy world,

MAKE TIME for yourself.

Enjoy your own company.

Let your mind wander among the stars.

Try.

Take chances.

MAKE MISTAKES.

Life can be messy

and confusing at times,

but it's also full of surprises.

The next rock in your path

might be a stepping stone.

Be happy.

When you don't have what you want,

want what you have.

MAKE DO.

That's a well - kept secret of contentment.

There aren't any shortcuts to tomorrow.

You have to MAKE YOUR OWN WAY.

To know where you're going

is only part of it.

You need to know where you've been too.

And if you ever get lost, don't worry.

The people who love you will find you.

Count on it.

Life isn't days and years.

It's what you do with time

and with all the goodness and grace

that's inside you.

MAKE A BEAUTIFUL LIFE...

The kind of life

you deserve.

- Hallmark

"Oh my goodness this card just screamed "Mindy" to me! We love you so much! Have a great day! Wish we were there!!!

Mom and Tom

The love of generosity and friends overwhelms me. Thank you for a very special birthday.

Engagement- 18th Century Practice in a 21st Century World

2009-07-18T00:35:00.005-08:00

This is a guest blog for Josh Hemsath's blog: Transplated An Alaska Dossier

Benjamin Franklin was an engaging man. From creating the first fire department in Philadelphia to currency with anti-counterfeiting techniques for New Jersey, to establishing the first hospital in the United States, to extreme political commitments worldwide, he was a man who made things happen based on the ingenuity of his own mind and the deliverance of his own ideas.

But how did he make all those things happen? He didn’t singlehandedly make the brick and build the hospital, or print and distribute the new currency, or gain a political position just by asking. No, Franklin knew that in order to do what he needed to do, he surrounded himself with people who could help make those things happen.

Franklin embodied a culture and lifestyle engaging to human beings from across the globe. How could one person generate so much common interest and faith in a world that was arguably more diverse than even today? Autobiographies and recollections of his life mention his tolerance and acceptance of religion, a very hot topic and cultural matter of the day. He found a common ground here and people saw in him what they wanted to reflect in their own character and values.

Which bring us back to being engaging. Benjamin Franklin is one in a long line of people who exemplify what it means to engage others. What are the common factors of each individual?

I wonder what Benjamin Franklin would think about virtual engagement. How would he have reacted to the Facebooks and the Tweets of today? Think of the difference between Franklin’s funeral in 1790 with 20,000 people, and Michael Jackson’s funeral with an estimated 5 million people viewing through technology. The way we are engaging people is changing…or is it?

Franklin, an inventor, created the common law so he could marry his adolescent love-interest after she had already been legally married. He signed the Declaration of Independence for our country, and he travelled around the world and had friends by the names of Louis XV, David Hume, and Joseph Pristley - all living in the time of Enlightenment, as scientists and as a piece of real social movement in the 18^th Century. I don’t know much about these fellows, except that they were incredibly smart and forward-thinking individuals. From what I do know, each of them was somewhat of a character, and all experienced some reservations and even abolishment from their respective societies. That being said, they all share name recognition in foundational building blocks of the world as we know it.

Today, Ben Franklin, his ideas, his tolerance, his innovation, and his robust passion for life are alive more than ever. Think of these 13 virtues he lived by:

1. "TEMPERANCE. Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation."

2. "SILENCE. Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation."

3. "ORDER. Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time."

4. "RESOLUTION. Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve."

5. "FRUGALITY. Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing."

6. "INDUSTRY. Lose no time; be always employ'd in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions."

7. "SINCERITY. Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly."

8. "JUSTICE. Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty."

9. "MODERATION. Avoid extremes; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve."

10. "CLEANLINESS. Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, cloaths, or habitation."

11. "TRANQUILLITY. Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable."

12. "CHASTITY. Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another's peace or reputation."

13. "HUMILITY. Imitate Jesus and Socrates."

Then think about engagement.

It’s not just about the people who are popular, or the ones who are screaming the loudest. I see people looking for something more than passé rhetoric and doing things that are community-minded, civically engaged, socially involved. Sounds like a lot of work? Benjamin Franklin would agree. But if you think about it in the simplest context it’s really quite simple.

Curiosity in people and in the world is engaging. Showing your spirit is engaging. Wearing your heart on your sleeve is engaging. Speaking your mind and listening engages people. Smiling at someone on the street is engaging. Sending a friend request or inviting someone to dinner is engaging. Music is engaging.

There’s no time to waste, and there’s no time like the present. Seek out whatever it is that engages you, however large or small, or whatever it is you feel compelled to do. Do it.

"If you would not be forgotten, as soon as you are dead and rotten, either write things worth reading, or do things worth the writing." ~ B. Franklin

I Heart Bob Poe.

2009-06-25T20:54:00.012-08:00

What? Someone was going to say it. I might as well in my secret library of musings. Bob Poe is hot. And he is going to be our next Governor.

I first met Governor-elect Poe with his wife Terzah at Bernie's Bungalow about two years ago. The couple was cool, humble, they listened to whatever nonesense anyone was throwing around and made their own simple, thoughtful contributions. They left before the parties got too big, but hung around long enough to enjoy the people and the bar. It wasn't long after this meeting, the Poe's were less seen at my favorite watering hole. I'm not sure where they went, but it was several years later when they began to peek back to the surface. And I was waiting.
When whispers started spreading that Bob Poe was running for governor I was estatic!

"Well, I know Bob Poe! We're old drinking buddies!"

It's funny how a drink and a conversation can make you feel like you know someone. I have a little bit of a hard time declaring that I know Bob Poe. I mean, I don't know him. I don't know his sign, or his birthday, or his anniversary, or what brought him to Alaska, or his pet's names- or even if he has a pet. But we shared a drink and a conversation (I think) and that's at least a start.

I went to a small gathering tonight at his house to hear about the campaign and meet the people who are driving his candidacy. A warm welcome at the gate from his wife and Kay Brown, former Democratic Party Communications Director turned Bob Poe Campaign

Manager, Alaskan reindeer sausage and snackys were for anyone to enjoy and observe and learn. Kay made a wonderful greeting to the crowd.

"We have a long ways to go, but I am working with Bob Poe because people need to trust ou

r next governor. Bob Poe is someone I can trust."

And I believe her. Bob Poe is someone I can trust too. Oh yeah, and he's hot. That doesn't hurt.

Tall and slender, reserved and humble, he took the stage.

"Whenever people talk about what we are doing differently on each side, I come to the middle and focus on our common interests."

Yes. Finally. A realist.

Bob Poe has never run for office. He told us that. He thought that might be the biggest thing opponents say against him, but it's not a handicap. We need people who know the system yet aren't tainted by it. We need people to lead our state who aren't focused on our differences, but our commonalities. I think you will see that come through on the campaign trail. He talked about his trailer, the one they take out to Alaska to "hang with the Alaskans."

Me: (once I get to know Bob Poe): "Hey Bob! What did you do this weekend?"

Bob Poe (after he gets to know me): "Ah, I just hung out with some Alaskans in a remote campsite in the middle of the Chugach."

The "I know Bob Poe" campaign is brilliant. It challenges you and me to get to know Bob Poe. Bob Poe. Our next governor invites you to know him.

"If it's not me, who? If it's not now, when?"

He quoted that tonight as his thought, but I remember Terzah posting that a LOOOOONNG time ago on Facebook, and it resonated with me then, just as it does now.

The last few nights I have come home amped with energy. The thought of Bob Poe as Governor not only gives me energy, it gives me hope.

"The last seven years this state hasn't really moved forward. We need to be moving forward."

You will hear much about Bob Poe from me. I intend to get to really know Bob Poe. Are you looking forward? Do you know Bob Poe?

KNOW BOB POE. www.bobpoe.com

The Power of a Touch

2009-06-25T01:30:00.002-08:00

posted for Business Alaska on LinkedIn, June 24, 2009

When was the last time you called one of your clients just to say hi? I admit, I am not the best at this process, but recently, I have noticed more than ever just how important a "touch" is.

My clients are constantly being rang by people from all different backgrounds selling them all sorts of stuff. Media calls are the WORST, so when I am able to help someone with my stations, I gotta stay above the rest. That means picking up the phone and just saying hi.

It's important to feel important, and the most important people in our business is our customers or clients.

If you feel funny or don't know what to talk about, here is an easy acronym to remember: FORD

F- Family- Everyone likes to boast about their kids' new talent, or their hubby's new job. Make notes with names of family members so you can ask them about the new changes in their life next time. Remember to ask about their pets!

O- Opportunities- What opportunities have been presented to your clients since you last spoke? Try to stay away from hard business, though sometimes this is a good place to uncover what your competition is doing (but only if the customer brings it up.) Remember this is a "touch" call, not a sales call. You can set that up at the end of the conversation!

R- Realizations- Has your client had any "ah-ha!" moments with their business or personally recently? How exciting to share with someone your "ah-ha" moments! Try to relate with their discovery by sharing something about you, too.

D- Dreams- What do your clients dream of? A paradise vacation? A new car? A weekend without the kids? This is an opportunity for you to use your personal network to help your clients' dreams come true. Introduce them to your travel agent, or send them an article you read on the latest car models, or suggest your favorite hotel or restaurant for a night out.

Be genuine. Take notes. Listen. Your clients will appreciate your special touch.

My First Guest Post

2009-06-20T01:35:00.001-08:00

See my first guest post on Think Alaska.

Reflections on the Hillside- A Community Rally for Equality

2009-06-16T21:33:00.002-08:00

Before I even get through the postal office parking lot, my shortcut, the lines of cars are jammed from 36th and C. The library parking lot has been long full. I hurriedly park illegally and start walking toward the action. The first thing I see is a sea of red. Stagnant, people, jarred, stuck, stiff..

I am shaking as I find the group of people I most relate to. The excitement is pulsating. It is the most exciting energy I have ever felt and my eyes are instantly welled with tears.

This country is an amazing place. There are people with signs and shirts of all colors. The DJ is mixing tunes- the first: “I Kissed a Girl”. People are honking and cheering as they pass by. The energy here is so fresh and vibrant. Rainbow colors. Flags.

Signs: I was born black. You choose to be gay. I just don’t understand the thinking. No logic. Ignorance.

People are dancing and cheering and laughing and food is growing. Communities of people; I have goosebumps.

I hope the scene happening here rivals the stanch, rigid feeling of the other side. This is the way community is supposed to be. United and community. Brings tears to my eyes. Spirit. Wow.

Clearly the underage crowd made it here. Clearly the clergy made it on the other side.

2009-04-27T08:41:00.001-08:00

To avoid situations in which you might make mistakes may be the biggest mistake of all.
- Peter McWilliams

Can I SAY that?

2009-04-20T21:55:00.003-08:00

A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned to walk forward.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

Maybe you've heard. Maybe not. Either way, it doesn't matter. I'm going to be hosting a radio show. I know I say it all professionally on the header of the blog, but really. I'm a little terrified.

There are a lot of things that go into building a radio show. It' building anything, really. Who cares if it is a radio show. People think that has a lot of fame. Sure, maybe people might know that I am on the radio. Besides the obvious, what is the difference between what I say and what you say.

I think it is always a risk to put yourself out there. Of course it is. Everyone feels it everyday. The interesting part is when the wings begin to open, the air begins to push open and support the flight higher and freer. And there is always a landing. How you land, is the task of talent and skill and experience.

Being on the radio has already begun to change me. I think one second longer before I open my mouth.

2009-04-17T09:17:00.004-08:00

"The big question is whether you are going to be able to say a hearty ‘yes’ to your adventure."
— Joseph Campbell

Three Sheets

2009-04-15T22:15:00.003-08:00

Begin the end to my almost one week infatuation with my new MacBook. I've successfully updated my blog, completed my taxes, uploaded my entire music collection, found old digital photos, and wasted copious amounts of time and energy updating calendars, syncing digital software, and finding new stuff on the Internet to watch. Like my new favorite show: Three Sheets. I didn't get all the way through the episodes, but I highly recommend checking out any segment of the three seasons listed on Hulu. Posted here is Belgium. Two of my personal favorites are Barcelona and Scotland. Cheers!

2009-04-14T13:13:00.003-08:00

As part of my curiosity about social networking for business and pleasure, I have created a LinkedIn group called Business Alaska. I like to post something to the group at least once a week. You can join by typing Business Alaska in the Search Group box. I bet there's a way to connect the two; I'm gonna need to check that out. Until then, here is today's post:

A Quick Fix
Yesterday, I was discussing a current health promotion with a friend and she mentioned a new drug on the market for weight loss. Another one of our friends had been using it for a few months now and had lost 17 pounds by medicating herself to loose weight. As part of the criteria, she had to commit to:

1) exercise thirty minutes a day- seven days a week
2) decrease the intake of carbs and increase her protein diet
3) create a support group

Whatever your opinion is about medication for weight loss, I think there is a business principle to be considered here.

If your business needed to 'shed some pounds' in order to become a better oiled machine, what would be the first thing you did?

Commit to a level of fitness needed to operate?
Decrease a specific aspect of your business diet (like office gossip) and increase a productive aspect (like learning social networks)?
Create a group of people you believe have your businesses' best interests in mind?

Of course! That's because taking these steps is a lifestyle change. It is something that with a little bit of work becomes easier until it is just a part of your successful business make-up.

Are you going to take a pill or patch a band-aide for the rest of your businesses' life? Of course not.

In my experience, businesses too often look to me to create a short term pill they can pop to increase the level of business they are doing. Unfortunately, once the pill begins to work, the foundation tends to crumble because the simple things are not in place, like good customer service, a unified identity, a holistic presence.

In your business, are you relying on a synthetic solution, or are you doing the work it takes to create a solid foundation from which to grow?

Note to Myself dated May 14, 1998

2008-12-06T11:33:00.003-09:00

Yesterday I was going through a corner of papers when I came across this envelope I addressed to myself not to open until ten years later. I remember writing this, and finding it numberous times throughout my several moves, and now it was past the date I could finally open it and reveal the contents to myself again. I was a sophmore in high school at the time I wrote this:

My Goals in Life as of March 14, 1998

to publish my journal
to become a teacher
sing a solo
quit smoking
to be well known and liked
follow my heart- whatever it says
never be extremely overweight
be faithful to my husband, children and job
never loose a relationship with God
never loose contact with Jessica
to be a good mother and wife
keep my house clean
to be personable and down to earth
never become an alcoholic
have a job I enjoy
to live out of Creston
never change for a man
never stay with an abusive man
see the ocean
see every state in America
never grow 'old'
to call my parents at least once a week

So after I read this, I thought it was a little anti-climatic. I don't know what I expected: rave expectations of mountains hiked or justice served. But my list is simple. Some of the things I have achieved, some I haven't. Some make me laugh, like to 'see the ocean'. Now I LIVE on the ocean (practically). The everyday things remain the same, however. Live true and simply, and stay close to the important people in my life.

Maybe I should write another letter to myself to open in the next ten years?

INTERLUDE

2008-11-20T00:48:00.001-09:00

I LIVE IN ANCHORAGE ALASKA IN THE YEAR OF 2008. THIS TIME IS AMAZING. IT IS LIKE WE ARE SEEING REVOLUTION COMING. I HOPE THAT SHOULD NOT HAVE SAID REVELATION. THERE CERTAINLY ARE A LOT OF QUESTIONS AMONG US. THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS CHANGING AT THE SAME TIME, IT SEEMS AS IF WE AS HUMANS ARE GOING TO SELF DESTRUCT. PROBABLY BETTER SOONER RATHER THAN LATER.
THE FIRST BLACK AMERICAN HAS BEEN CHOSEN PRESIDENT: BARACK OBAMA. IT WAS A MERCILESS CAMPAIGN, AND IT WAS A WONDERFUL ONE. BOTH CANDIDATES CONTINUED ON IN THE PRESIDENTIAL RACE AS CHAMPS. THE WORLD WATCHED AND SUPPORTED IN RECORD BREAKING NUMBERS, AND THE AMERICAN SPIRIT IS SAID TO HAVE BEEN IGNITED. NOW, AFTER THE ELECTION, HATE CRIMES AGAINST BLACKS HAVE RISEN ALL OVER THE COUNTRY, AND RUMORS AND JOKES ABOUT THE PRESIDENT’S ASSISINATION ARE BEING WHISPERED. WELL, THAT VERY WELL COULD JUST BE HERE, SINCE THE ALASKANS AREN’T TOO HAPPY ABOUT MS. PALIN LOOSING THE VICE-PRESIDENTIAL TICKET WITH SENATOR JOHN MCCAIN. ALASKAN POLITICS ARE FUCKED UP.
THE STATE ALMOST VOTED IN SENATOR TED STEVENS AFTER HE WAS INDICTED AND CONVICTED OF FRAUD. THE ELECTION HAS JUST BEEN DECIDED TONIGHT, FIFTEEN DAYS AFTER THE NATIONAL ELECTION OCCURRED. EVERY VOTE HAS BEEN COUNTED FROM EVERY CORNER OF THE STATE AND THE WORLD. AT LEAST ALL THAT MATTER.
IT WASN’T ALL VICTORY, HOWEVER, AS DON YOUNG STILL WON THE SEAT FOR CONGRESS, AND HE TOO HAS BEEN IN A LITTLE TROUBLE HIMSELF. DID I MENTION ALASKAN POLITICS ARE FUCKED UP?
WELL, IT’S COMPLICATED. AND IF YOU LIVE HERE YOU ALREADY HAVE YOUR OWN REASONS WHY, AND WE REALLY DON’T WANT TO GET INTO THAT, NOW DO WE?
I ENOYED THE PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE VERY MUCH, ESPECIALLY ON MY NEW CLICK CLACK COUCH AND 32’ TELEVISION SCREEN. IT’S PRETTY AMAZING ON HD- I GUESS THAT IS ONLY GOING TO WORK UNTIL FEBRUARY 16 THOUGH WHEN THE GOVERNMENT SWITCHES ITS COMMUNICATION CHANNEL OR SOMETHING. ALL I KNOW IS I HAVE TO GET CABLE IF I AM GOING TO PLAN ON SLUMMING IT FOR THE NEXT FEW MONTHS. FUCK. HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO DO THAT?
WELL, AT LEAST I’VE GOT LIFESIZED OPRAH.

A Monstronitious Weekend

2008-07-06T23:24:00.003-08:00

After a weekend like this, it is perfectly acceptable to name anything a "Monstronitious" anything.

What an amazing weekend. I am so grateful and thankful for the life that I lead. I find myself often confused, and frustrated, and decieved, that I forget to remember at the end of the day, it's what makes me happy that I have to rejoice in. I believe happiness is a state of mind. It is something that you ask for and recieve, AND it is something you believe and it happens.

One thing I am struggling with is my own capibilites of being a productive and contributing human in society. The greater good is important to me. How to make the greater good better within my own happiness is still left to be determined. There is quite a considerable sacrifice to make for that to happen.

The thing is what else do I have to sacrifce than myself? I'm really playing an 'all or nothing' game here.

This was really more than a weekend. It was a vacation I needed badly. I have a freezer full of halibut to show for my accomplishments this vacation, and I am happy for that.

It is a coming of age period. I'm not sure if I confuse or piss people off about that, but I hope there is someone who can relate.

I have not laughed so much or enjoyed myself so much before this vacation. So I ask myself if it is me who is growing up, or it is the people around me that bring it out?

There are certainly people who bring out the best in you...and me...

Wynonna Concert II

2008-06-29T23:37:00.003-08:00

Wynonna Concert I

2008-06-29T23:31:00.003-08:00

Wynonna appears before 10,000 people on the Emendorf Air Force Base in Alaska. Naomi (her mother and former singing star in The Judds) surprising the audience with her first appearance since the duo dismantled when Naoi was diagnosed with throat cancer(?). The show was dedicated to the military personnel serving overseas. It was broadcast live on television as well as live via Internet. The sponsor of the event was AT&T and the Alaska 50 Year of Statehood Celebration. The concert coincided with the Annual Thunderbird Air Show, which drew record crowds of 98,000 on the first day. Event coordinators were expecting over 150,000 of for the entire event.

But here are my pictures from the concert.

No shoes Required

Our Electronic Society

2008-06-23T21:03:00.002-08:00

Today I received a phone call from a number that had been trying to reach me at all hours of the day and weekend. I finally answered, knowing it was a debt collector.

This is how the phone call went:

(An automated man's voice): "This call is for ________ L. On-Eeel. If you are ____________ L. On-Eel, please dial one. If this is not ____________ L. On-Eeel, please press two."

"I guess that means me. I'll give it to them- I guess it was close, but that is not my last name..." (one)

"Please hold while your call is being transferred."

"Thank you for calling Citicard. We look forward to serving you. Please hold."

Ok- let me take a break here. There are few things that irk me about calls like these. Firstly, I didn't call YOU. YOU put my number in your automated rigamaroo for some song and dance about my Home Depot bill, all the while insulting me with a butchering of my last name, and an assumption that I called YOU for this kind of ludicrous abuse. Secondly, if anyone has the hopes of collecting a debt over the phone, they shouldn't be so courteous with their time. You (reader) probably don't get lots of debt collector phone calls, but if you did, you would not be happy with your day being interrupted by an automated voice man, AND THEN, you have to wait on the line while some over-modulated symphony elevator music blares in your ear. No one likes that music. Even people who like symphony or elevator music don't like that music. Don't you think they could match a largely agreed upon musical taste for customers waiting on the phone based on their general demographic? Or maybe before they leave you hanging on to hear what the recent damage is, they could give you the courteousy to choose your own music.

"For Nelly, please press one...

For George Strait, please press two...

For Micheal Buble, please press three...

For AC/DC, press four...

For all other music, press five..."

Ok- so back to the call.

I stay on the line against my better judgement to hang up the phone in utter annoyance. "Bill me!"

Finally a woman with a strong southern accent answers the phone. Before I can even inquire as to what this ridiculous monstrosity of dysfunctional business is all about, I am quizzed.

"Last four digits of your social security number?"
"First and Last name?"
"Please confirm your current mailing address..."
"State and ZIP code?" Dammit, woman! If you would have dialed the phone yourself you would know what state and city I am in!

But I hold back from sudden outbursts like that. I refrain to passive aggressive tones in my voice. However, inside my head, I am thinking: "My Home Depot bill is SO not overdue! It is on automatic payment! Who the hell is this anyway?" I wish I could ask her a few questions to arm myself from identity fraud.

"Could you please confirm your nationality?"
"And how long have you worked for this firm?"
"Where are you right now? At home? At an office?"
"What are you getting paid and how? Cash, drugs, sex?"
"Do you have an employee number I can reference?"

It would be so easy to call someone up and act all credit collector-like. And get away with it. Before I hung up the phone she knew everything she could about my credit card, my address, and my personal information. I will probably be robbed by tomorrow morning.

The whole ordeal just got me thinking about how impersonal we are with everything we do these days. When did the days go away when people called up and asked about your livelihood? Engaged in a little small talk before they rummaged through your wallet?

The moral of the story is to pay your bills, I guess.

Disclaimer: I don't recieve credit collector calls often. They just miss me. They just need to call and check up. Mostly on my payment. But seriously, it doesn't happen (all that) often...

Shaved Kitty

2008-05-07T22:50:00.006-08:00

Today Nigak went to the groomers. I kept trying to warn her, but she didn't understand. She got a little nervous after I picked her up and started locking doors. Once I got to my car, she was ready to play outside. I think she likes car rides, but as I got closer and closer to The Pet Stop, she grew anxious and became more vocal.

Inside, it was calm and the people were friendly. They seemed to genuinely enjoy their jobs. Groomer Mike was to the point, yet kind. He helped me claw her off of my shoulder as I was leaving. They all had a little trouble with her name. It is Ni-gak (knee-GAK). A little tricky- everyone has a difficult time at first.

As I drove away, I wondered what kind of experience it would be for her. I didn't bring any food for her- did they feed her? Where did she...ya know...go? Did she like her neighbors?

Then I frankly forgot about it, until I almost forgot to pick her up. She looks beautiful! A little funny with her puffy head and paws and tail, but so pretty! She's a little beat tonight, but I think she is muy gracias!

Before...

After...

I think she looks like an alien cat in this picture! LOL!
...And also this is a nice quote I found today...

There is no greater impotence in all the world like knowing you are right and
that the wave of the world is wrong, yet the wave crashes upon you. - Norman Mailer

A Post for the Kids

2008-04-27T21:00:00.015-08:00

Today I went to a Sunday afternoon candle party a co-worker was holding at her house. As I looked around the room, I noticed two women were pregnant and the other three had at least one child. For a split second, I was intimidated, thinking: "What do I have in common with any of these women?" And then the answer came to me in the form of images of the children that are in my life. I thought I would give them credit for opening my eyes to a new world and perspective on life.

Miss Lindz (Lindsay Harper)

The daughter of my sister, my first niece and is a delightful young lady who is always on the go! She is four years old, I think..almost five. Lindsay is very much a Gartner with her sharp tounge, energy, and stubbornness.

In her classes, I can tell the other kids look up to her and consider her a leader.

Every time I talk to Lindz, I ask her about coming to Alaska. She is crazy about the idea. I keep telling her to save her money and I will save her a sled dog. I look forward to the day she gets to see Alaska- I know she will love it.

Lindsay has an old, kindred heart I adore. I am so grateful for the love and spirit she brings into our family.

Sam the Man

Sam may very well be one of the most kind, understanding, dramatic, wild and absolutely adorable kid I have ever known. The love Sam has for the world around him is so heartwarming. He is the son of Jessica (Springer) and Matt Duncan. I feel so very blessed the Duncans allow me to be an extension of their family.

Sam keeps it real and demands attention when in a room. He deserves what he gets, too, cause if for one moment you don't pay attention, he will be off to something new and probably dangerous.

I love his sense of adventure and willingness to try anything in the spirit of good fun. Sam's the Man and any time I get to see him is always a splendid treat!

Carley Barikman

Carley is the daughter of Sommer and Casey Barikman, who are close friends of mine from Ames, Iowa. They have since moved to Tennesee, so I stay connected with the Barikman's through phone and email.

Carley seems to me to be a happy three year old (I think she's three!). I know she is in awe of her mother and is always asking for her advice already!

Ki (pronounced KYE)

Ki was once a roommate of mine. I haven't seen her in a while, but this was a picture of her on her fifth (I think) birthday last year.

Ki is a very smart young lady, who has good manners for the most part and loves everything Princess. Afterall, he is one herself. She has a unique talent of creating incredible stories about Princesses and Fairylands. I always enjoy her stories and her laughter.

Brenna

This is the daughter of Ms. Elizabeth (Roghair) Becker. Although I haven't spent lots of time with Ms. Brenna, I know that she is one loved little girl. The last time we met was Christmas 2007 and she was quite defiant in her demeanor.

She has a beautiful smile that resembles her mother's.

Johnny Herr

While I have have yet to meet Johnny, it has been a pleasure to see him grow through his parent's pictures. Tim and Tandy Herr are friends from high school, and are very close with the Duncans. Tim and Tandy have had a rough go of it lately, since Tim has been very sick the last year with Crones Disease (I think).

I have never seen a picture where Johnny wasn't smiling and with two great people as his parents, I can understand why.

I thought it may be weird to post all the pictures of the kids from work, but it is very cool to watch them grow and hear what they are up to from their loving parents. They also contribute to my personal Enlightenment from Children:

Jacob- Is the son of sales co-worker, MaryAnn. Jacob has bright carrot top red hair and is talker and a flirt! I wouldn't have guessed any different with a Supermommy like MaryAnn!

Jerek- Brooke's son is the bad ass of the group. In no time, I bet he will be riding around in motorcycles, picking up chicks, and known for having the "coolest parents in town."

AJ- Cat's son is a well mannered, somewhat shy four (?) year old. He likes to idolize his dad and negociate with his mom. I hear he is pretty good at closin' the deals, too!

Toby- Toby is the kind of kid that makes you want to have a baby. Um, I can't believe I just said that (just using it as reference- that's all. This statement in no way insinuates that I want to have children any time in the near future...) But with a kid like this, it just seems so easy. Toby is always smiling and playing and is just learning now how to move around. It won't be long until he is walking around! He is the son of Jen and Erik.

Aubry and Megan- the Heartbreak girls. They remind me of my sister and I growing up. They are close in age, fight like enemies, and are equally hard to keep them apart. They got personality and aren't afraid to use it!

What incredible people and what an incredible experience to watch these lives develop in front of my very own eyes! With fairly little context, self-realization, awareness, and reason, these guys keep it all in perspective.

Of course, my perspective is a dainty one. I get to see these guys mostly when they are happy, engaged, and having a good day. What I don't get to see as much is the challenges they constantly pose for their parents. I find it comical because I can. I feel fortunate to be able to do so, and am very conscious of my lucky position as the fun Older Person outside looking in. I admire the parental abilities of all of their parents, and sincerely believe they are the heros of today.

Being around any of these children and their families make me want to be a better person, and a better role model. Being around any of them fill my heart with much happiness and joy.

For Real

2008-04-25T23:07:00.007-08:00

Six days ago I took a motorcycle ride down the turnagain Arm. I joked with others about my face being sunburnt after sitting on the deck with a nice porter beer.

That was when I hiked in the woods and there was still snow. Now, we have about three feet of snow.

Seriously, in one day we have gotten a ridculous amount of snow. In fact, it is beyond a doubt all of our winter in one day. It was raining snow. Imagine for a moment that it rained snow! The same rain you get on an Iowan day, about 1:30 or 2:00 in April. It just rains and rains, and finally the sun comes out. This was kind of like that except it NEVER STOPPED. It's like I am living in a static land. Outside, there is no clear vision!

Not only that, but without vision, my feet have lost fair balance. I am never quite sure how deep it is between the snow, sludge, and slush and the ground. Noone expected this.

Okay that is a total lie. For the last three days that is the first thing everyone has greeted me with.

"My, what beautiful weather. I hear it is going to snow on Friday," like a threat. Then we get this! WTF!?

I am not really surprised and actually find it a welcome distraction. A forced way to stay at home- A SNOW DAY!!!

I just heard from my neighbor who heard from the Internet that it was supposed to snow another 18 inches!!! OMG! I hope I have enough food!!

Close Encounters of the Moose Kind

2008-04-14T23:18:00.009-08:00

Tonight after an excursion to Denise's home for the second time to get information about her 2006 tax return, we returned to my house, and upon getting out saw a moose munching on the tree in the front yard.

We were scared.

Ok, it was just me that was scared.

But I've heard of the stories regarding innocent bystanders and mean ass, charging moose, and ain't gonna be one of THOSE suckers.

So we stayed in the car and watched it for a moment. Nigak was on the roof and was paying close attention to the moose as well. We watch it jump on it's hind legs and munch on the high branches. Slowly, it wandered off, but kind of looked like it was hanging out in front of my door. Just to be safe, we decided to back out, go around the block and enter the alley. That is where we saw them.

Yes, two of them! One was a baby and mother aside, they just chomped away at the bushes. Denise put her brights on to see if they would react, and also so we could watch them better.

They mosey'd their way across the street, mother leading, and baby right behind. We decided to follow and watch them since they seemed to not be upset that we were hanging around for a while.

We watched as they meandered through the neighborhood, spooking just a couple cars. Luckily for everyone, there were no close encounters! The moose stopped at the corner of Medfra and 14th to dine a little more. Denise tried to get a picture of them, but it was just a little too dark. Instead, she got a picture of a cop car driving behind the moose. It's funny how large these creatures are, and how often they are dismissed or not even seen.

It was a good thing the bus saw them, though. The brakes of the bus scared the baby and both retired to the other side of the street for dessert. We warned the two passengers that exited from the bus about the duo calavanting around the neighborhood.

At the same time I wanted to warn them of the potential danger ahead, Denise got the information out much faster. "There are moose ahead!" The passers-by were grateful of our civic courtesy and moved the other side of the street to give the moose more grazing room.

It was beautiful to watch these wild animals roam around our city, as if to say, "I remember when you could see around this land for miles." I have to say it put me into another time before humanization existed and wondered how long it would be until we were standing in the midst of something no longer recognizable.

My Prediction Post

2008-04-12T01:41:00.003-08:00

Summer is coming. And so is the rest of the year. What will you be doing? Here are my plans:

In a few weeks:
Things are going to really start picking up speed in the next two weeks. The summer is nearing and people are beginning to get the itch. More importantly I am beginning to get the itch. Fantasies of blue skies, crisp days of sunshine, warmer temperatures and more hudmidity become reality. The Anchorage Market begins May 10! I am more excited about the Market this year because Jessica and Matt will be there featuring their latest genuis product: The Perfect Cookie Photography. I can't wait because I will get to be a part of the business- either as Sam's playfriend during the day, or fill in cookie operator. We will see.

May 3rd I am scheduled to go on a hike south in Russian Lake. I need to do more research on it, but it is with a local Meet Up group. The hike is said to be realively easy, perfect for building up for more strenous hikes for the summer. This is what I really want to do this summer. Hike and camp.

Somewhere in the middle of May, Jude will be returning to Alaska. How wonderful it will be to have her back here.

In July My Ben is coming back to Alaska. I can't wait to see him. The last time we met up was in Las Vegas last April. It is always so good to be with old friends.

My birthday is in July so that is always nice. I was thinking of working in the Crow Creek Pass during my birthday weekend. With Zavacky's wedding "offically" on the 11th (party on the 12th), I think the month has already filled up quickly.

Then August becomes fall for two weeks and September remains... But then, OCTOBER! I have bought a ticket home for the Iowa State Homecoming Celebration Oct. 22. Arriving in Chicago, I will be in Ames for the festivites, hopefully get to see the House and meet the girls who live there now. I hope to get to visit with my family and spend time with them. My sister will close on a house in Ames at the end of April. I am so proud of her and look forward to seeing her place, though not sure I should stay there.

October 30 I am meeting Sommer in Seattle for four days. This is going to be so much fun! I have never been to Seattle and neither has she, so it will be lots of fun running around places and figuring it out.

Life is good. I am a lucky person to have gifts and good people around me. I predict incredibly positive things happening in the next few months. I can feel the anticipation and innate anxiety, but everything comes at the right time, so I know I must wait patiently, but with intent.
I am in a good place and I strive everyday to stay humble and aware of my surroundings, and never take it for granted. This next year has plenty of amazing things in store, and I am ready for a fun and meaningful ride.

Onward!

Crecendo

2008-04-03T20:37:00.008-08:00

In the rising of the Sun, Trees begin to tilt upward. Rivers begin to drip. The heads of people begin to turn toward Light.

Like a Savior rising from Dead. Like sudden Hope on the edge of Despair. Everything awoke, slowly, achingly, showing inside, growing outside.

Slowness is inbred into All, and collectively All begins to bloom. Waking up from a long afternoon nap, Drunkenness looms, and Soon Enough eases off to the pedal of Speed. Faster and faster Life awakes. In the uncovering of One, lies the discovery of Another. With Motivation all around, They explode at once, Pollen flies, Wind taking it whole and letting it spread.

Life springs everywhere. It starts as a quiet hum, and brings Things almost to a pause. Is It there? Once confirmed is exaggerated.

Suddenly, the Best is excessive. The Noise is deafening. Chaos ensues, ruptures and melts until Nothing can be distinguished.

Resources exhausted, Oxygen begins to slow. It's difficult to breathe and All collectively sigh, deciding to die again for months, together.

Stagnant, the Earth remains. Quiet without Energy. Only with Grey and Solemn. Relived and Tired.

When the final rest is achieved, Eye opens, searching for Light and finally finding it. Determined to bring Life to All.

The Way I Are

2008-03-30T11:21:00.003-08:00

This Friday was so much fun. Many friends came over to delight in the first fire of the year. Lots of booze and plenty of BS was dished out. Throughout the night, people came and left. People I didn't know were coming, and those I expected. It was so much fun.

It was so fun I didn't capture any photos, but I believe there will be many more fires in the coming days and nights on Orca Street.

This weekend overall has been cloudy. I do miss the sun, but at least it isn't very cold. There has been lots of speculation about the return of summer being earlier than usual. That's fine with me; I am ready for the summer once again! Let the hills come alive with vegetation, berries, and wildlife!

I love this time of year.

The Coolness Factor

2008-01-14T19:00:00.000-09:00

It's an interesting thing...the coolness factor. Everyone has a level of it in themselves- only to be judged in settings requiring a level of coolness. In Alaska is where I have met some of the most chill people. It led me to ponder today: what is the coolness factor?

I believe a lot of it has to do with maturity and self confidence. I believe the rest of it has to do with personality. There are obvious levels of coolness- the way someone always makes you feel welcome, the calm and collected demeanor of others, the responsiveness of any given situation. While measuring up the people you know and the traits that make them, well, them, I think brings into perspective a person's own particular "coolness".

Is it really something worth evaluating? Probably not. But this is my blog and for some reason, I felt compelled to write a ditty on it.

What's my point? Good question. Find the balance of "cool" without going over to "icy".

The Lost Art of Dining

2008-01-13T19:51:00.000-09:00

In the last couple weeks, it has been brought to my attention that there is a serious lack of dining appreciation happening in Anchorage, Alaska. I mean, here we live...millions of miles away from a mainstream dining experience, surrounded by high-end, high-priced restaurants, and faced with a total lack of hospitality.

Dining can be considered a hobby. It certainly is a hobby of mine. It requires a heightened sense of knowledge about ingredients, about the environment, the culture of the fare. It requires money and time. Dining can even be considered a sport- a team sport, nonetheless- the more you practice the better you get.

You have the the Hosts, the Bartender, your Server, and the Chef- along with yourself, the consumer. Sometimes there are second string players such as the band, the water boys, and the manager. If one player is out of whack, it takes a whole lotta work to make up for it in the long run.

Everyone has their particular part to play. The Host: welcoming consumers, making them feel at home, welcome, invited, comfortable, special. The Bartender: a quick drink that is expertly mixed, as in the case of cocktails, or carefully chosen, as in the case of wine. Your Server: the Leader of the team, and the one responsible to make your experience one to remember. Friendly, intuitive, and respectful, this person serves as a knowledge guru for anything you may want. S/he offers their infinite knowledge about the menu, the ingredients, the wine to pair, and even what to order for desert. And of course, The Chef: ultimately prepared for any request to his dish, not taking anything personally and highly accommodating for any consumer.

Then there is the consumer: armed with the right mindset of having a delectable dish, understanding the environment of the restaurant, and aware of the expectations of it and it's staff.

The art of dining has to have been around for ages. In my quick Google research of five minutes, I found the earliest book on etiquette and dining to have been published in 1780. Frances Trollope (1780-1863).Domestic Manners of the Americans. London: Whittaker, Treacher & Co., 1832. 2 volumes.

But just because something was born so long ago doesn't mean it must be discarded with the latest fads. Just because the world is more in sync with technology, doesn't mean the bodies technology must be denied. At least not to me.

So here, is my take on a fine dining experience:

Make reservations. It is appointment setting- the restaurant should be expecting you, and you don't have to wait awkwardly in a bar until the little beeper starts blinking or your name is called out like cattle.

Check your coat. It will allow you to have a more relaxing and calm dinner, also giving subliminal hints to the server that you are planning on staying awhile to enjoy the experience.

Start with cocktails or champagne as an aspertif to tickle your stomach awake.

Order a light appetizer.

Depending on where you are, I like to insist on keeping my menu and ordering as I go. This eliminates my ultimate dining pet peeve, which is when the next course arrives before you have finished the first.

Order the wine next. If you want to have a different drink with each meal, this would be the time to order a nicely chilled white wine. It will not overshadow your appetizer or the second course of soup or salad. Use the smallest fork the left side of your plate. To eat soup, use the spoon accompanying the dish, and ladle the spoon from the front of the bowl to the back. When finished, place the fork on the left-hand corner of the plate. This should signify to your server that you are finished. A true professional, will understand this type of communication and will clear your plate without having to interrupt the conversation.

While exploring the flavors of the first course, and matched wine, discuss your dinner options and wine choices. The old adage of particular wines with particular meats (i.e. white with fish, red with beef) does not have to apply here. If you do drink a red, find one that will complement your dinner, or ask your server to help. Lighter red such as a fine rose, or even a Merlot can compliment your dinner perfectly.

Always take into heavy consideration the specials of the day- and weigh the options of a chef's choice. These are usually fresh dishes not always available.

As you taste the first bite of your entree, place your utensils down in order to experience the whole morsel. Close your eyes and let the flavors melt into your mouth and into your senses. Sometimes it is even possible to feel the character of the dish based on the way it was prepared. Be sure to taste your entree with a swig of wine, in order to let additional flavors unveil themselves.

Dine slowly and with purpose. Enjoy the dish with all senses and appreciation.

Table should be fully cleared and drinks should be refreshed before each course is served. Plates should always be cleared from the left side.

Your server should be aware of your seriousness of dining, and should be kissing your ass right now. Afterall, a server who understands this form of lost art, is handsomely rewarded based on the experience. This includes a good intuition of when to interject into a conversation, when to clear plates, refresh water, and offer the next course.

Dessert is allowed to be shared, and should be offered with coffee, port, ice wine, or any other after-dinner drink.

Diners should be left to relish in the memory of said perfect meal and service, and the check should not be delivered too soon.

Servers and hosts should be aware of the timing of each table, able and ready to seek coats, call taxi or valet, and open doors, warmly smiling as you humbly exit to the outside world and onto the next experience.

Ahhh, the lost art of dining. It seems in this world, where we are often in dining situations, the art and appreciation of a good meal and dining experience has been lost. It may seem caddy to have to remember all these manners while dining, but I think it is fun. It is a challenge to execute dining at it's finest. Of course, it is not something I always want to have to do- and usually don't- but I do enjoy the art of dining, the experience of dining, the enjoyment to dine, and would appreciate a good team that can successfully execute this opinion of a true dining experience.

tarot.com

2007-12-27T00:57:00.000-09:00

I actually noted a website as my source in the following journal entry:

Cancer:
Crabs live in the past more than other signs, and it effects the present, especially in relationships. In 2008, tally up you past hurts, and let go...for good.

- tarot.com

Crazy

2007-11-07T21:14:00.000-09:00

Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane. - Philip K. Dick

This is an appropriate quote to describe my feelings today. Am I insane? Or does that just mean I can deal with reality? Unsure, about either of those claims, I do know I attract the crazies. They seem to be everywhere. What is this place? Isn't there anyone I can fucking relate to who isn't going to jump off the Big Person Train onto Nutzo Island? Or maybe I would actually make better friends from people who are medically insane.

Whatever it means, I don't like it. It makes me think that I am crazy because I attract crazy people. There certainly cannot be that many crazies all over the place...could there???

What makes a crazy?

Here are a few telltale signs I have adopted in my experience to help the flabbergasted people like me figure out a Crazy when you see one:

1) Their eyes. There is always something a little intense about a crazy person's eyes. Sometimes they get really narrow, or sometimes they look all wild and animalistic. Sometimes you never even see their eyes.

2) They have a penis. Everyone who has a penis has a string of DNA called crazy in them. I've tried to befriend them, and I do have many friends with a penis, but they are all crazy.

3) When you leave them, you feel bad.

4) They call YOU Crazy.

5) They have substance related-dependency issues.

What are your signs of Crazy?

Another Week Ensues

2007-10-28T22:26:00.000-08:00

Ah, it is yet another Sunday. This Sunday was a great treat. I had time to rearrange my apartment, which is always a symbol of change, and even found enough quarters around the place to wash two loads of laundry. I am confident this shall be the last apartment I live in before buying my own place, a desire that I have growing. With that, comes lots of questions and (gasp) commitments. Yuck. Or Awe.

My intention moving into this place was to find somewhere that I could build a stable environment. This has taken longer than I anticipated. Damn life keeps getting in the way. But there is something telling me this winter cannot be survived without a comfortable and warm home to experience. I have a hard time coming home, indeed I like to be out with people, but this involves money I'd rather save, and energy I need to preserve.

Don't get me wrong, I am far from being a homebody. I still crave the attention of the outside world, and the material obsessions out there. But I am not so eager as to wear my heart on my sleeve for people to sneeze on, or throw around, but to mostly just ignore. I don't want to wear my heart on my sleeve with a large chain and lock around it; I just want to be more selective as to whom I show this precious beat.

That in itself is a great challenge of mine. If you talk to anyone who knows me, I hope they tell you of my compassionate nature towards others and a desire to help anyone I can. Helping, I realize, is only within the limits of the other person, and really not my responsibily. I am my own responsibility now, and of course, I am responsibile for my cat.

Nigak seems to really enjoy the new arrangment of the furniture. I admit, it is a lovely arrangement, and a very good start to creating the home a Crab such as me, truly needs in order to present oneself to the world in a somewhat poised state.

And so another week ensues. I like the beginning to weeks like this. Where I can sit and blog about nonsense, with a cup of tea, and a comfortable home to live in. I am a lucky woman to be in the place I am, the apartment, this state, and lucky to acknowledge all the other levels of awareness and good places I am also a part of.

Happy Week to you!

California is Burning

2007-10-22T22:11:00.000-08:00

Isn't that one of the signs in Revelations?

what i see

2007-10-18T21:46:00.001-08:00

I see a world, spinning in front of me,
people engaged in action, in being free, in being right,
but behind closed doors, stories change,
they get deeper, more effective, more real,

We are all humans, making our way through this world the only way we know how:

to survive.

Survival so critical, so crucial, so different from you to me, from here to there...
Survival necessary, survival meaning something magnificantly altered for each of us, the meaning to equal the outcome.

We are operating on a level of existance that includes souls from other places and worlds. What is the difference between the living and the dead? Only that they are physical? But how do we know we are physical? That we can see, touch, feel in our hearts, what it is that makes us begin another day?

And after you no longer have that choice, after you have died physically...

what is left then?

Got the Revolution?

2007-10-03T20:53:00.000-08:00

There's something happening here. Things are changing. They are changing in the way I have thought they would. It's very encouraging.

There is something people are getting. We are no longer making excuses for ourselves. We are generally not finding the government a reliable avenue to help with our social problems. We are learning they would rather play war.

But instead of retaliating, instead of creating another huge backlash, wasting time and energy on people who have a deaf ear, things are starting to change.

The way people are communicating is changing. The talk of vision is changing. Advertising, recognition, appreciation, it is all changing. I hope in ten years from now we will look back on the direction this world was going and feel proud that we were a part of a change in that direction.

Of course I have people rolling their eyes at me, criticizing me for having such a vision, but I could care less. They have already lost their battle. It is no longer their turn. It is ours. It is mine.

A revolution is coming. It will not be the revolution of the 60's, but it will entail dramatic change in the way we operate as human beings with each other. It will change the quality and value we place on our lives and on the lives of our children, and it will drive an incredible amount of satisfaction to all, not in money or power, but through love.

A Five Week Sprint in a Circle

2007-09-22T21:15:00.000-08:00

I feel like I have just whiped it together since I got back from Chicago. It has been a whirlwind of changes and business and...stuff.

And this is what I recently realized: I'm doing everything and nothing for myself. That has got to change.

I simply can't live my life warped in media and lost in my job. I can't always answer the question "What have you been doing?" with the response "work." It's lame and I need to expect more for myself from myself.

This is harder to do than expected. I know I am surrounded by lots of people who care very much about me, but I also know they all have lives of their own as well- just like I do. I never want to loose my own vivacity- my own appreciation of life.

I hear myself saying, "I NEED HELP!" in every area of my life and then just waiting for the answer to arrive and make it all better. That's really not working, either. Humh. I think I am lazy in that way, maybe even taught to be lazy there, because it is easier to put yourself through physical labour, instead of mental self-exhaustion.

All I know, is that the path I have been on for awhile has been going nowhere but in circles. I am exhausted from running circles around myself. I must find a better, more productive, more effecient way to live this life. I don't want to look back, dizzy and whirling, only to find myself in the same place I was before.

I am grateful to have the Leadership Anchorage program now. I am very much looking forward to personal growth through this program. I need structure; I need discipline, I need direction. I need someone or something to give me a reason to want something more. I need to figure out what I want, and I hope this is a good path to travel for those answers.

The Wizard of Fairview

2007-09-10T22:46:00.000-08:00

In recent times, I have found a bond with my neighbors. It has taken awhile, but I have eventually ventured and figured out enough about them, that I can sit back and finally shoot the shit, make a little fun and relax in my own yard. I love it, and it gives me some security about winter.

Ah, winter. I can smell it in the air. The cripness every morning, the sharp chill at night. I was stubborn tonight and refused to wear something on my feet, but by nine o'clock I had to slip inside and dig out my old boot socks. Yes, it is that time of year again. I actually feel pretty numb about it all. I am distracted by things at work, and life in general. It always seems to loose just that corner of control you think you owned.

My hood is the plot for the Wizard of Oz. I am Dorothy (naturally), I have Glenda the Good Witch that lives below me, chain smoking her nearly crippled body to death and high on pain killers, and the Bad Witch to the left of me, sucking down equal amounts of nicotine, only with a sneer of disgust for the rest of mankind.

Bernie, my landlord, is the scarecrow of the lot, Asia is the Cowerdly Lion. I have yet to decide who is the Tin Man and who is the Wizard, but this shit is getting a little tooney, if you know what I mean...

I keep thinking of the movie Serendipity. Here is the definition according to Webster's II New College Dictionary:

1. The faculty of making providential discoveries by accident. 2. The fact or occurance of such discoveries. 3. An instance of making such a discovery.

I am so eager to find this mysterious man that I am clouding my judgement!

Alas, I return to the blog. My mind has been wandering there, but it seems like I have been controlled by my technological boundaries.

(...and I just wanted to use the word alas.)

Thank you, Stuart Smalley

2007-08-09T00:34:00.000-08:00

In the middle of life's chaos, I am faced with the realization that every other human, and in particular woman, goes through the exact same things I do. It is easy, especially in Alaska, to think that I am the only person who goes through this life in this way... but it is always comforting to understand that women, even older than myself, are just now experiencing the same feelings, insecurities, troubles, and understandings as myself. Then, I have to tell myself, I'm not doing too bad. Despite relapes, soft spots, bad decisions, I am doing okay- just fine.

...and to credit this blog... Stuart Smalley

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3xqKkLlCfLE

...and that's all...

2007-06-26T23:58:00.000-08:00

sometimes, some situations draw you to the conclusion that : that is all there is. And so it goes on.

Because that is only what one can do when they have come to the conclusion that that is all there is.

But in reality, that is only the beginning to much, much more.

So how is it that each person transitions into these 'conclusions'? They laugh, they cry, they beg, they plead, they isolate, they elaborate, they gain, they lose.

There are times when life is more of a drawn piece of paper than a well mapped up plan. And every situation become the end all of only that situation...and then there is another one that will eventually end up the same way as well.

How many levels in life can you relate to this theory?

Day One

2007-06-25T22:21:00.000-08:00

...and now it begins.

I am training for a relay race called the Klondike. Oooooh, it is exciting. I have never trained for anything physical, let alone a race. But in the past, I have been known to take off on runs, or begin a running spree.

I'm glad that little wild hair has come back to me. If you would like to know more about the Klondike race, you can follow this link, and say a prayer for me. http://www.sportyukon.com/klondikeRoadRelay/default.php

In other news, I attended my first ever PRIDE festivities going on in the fair downtown Anchorage. I have to say I was immensly amused by the bravery of said "loud and proud", prancing in underwear down 6th Ave., a solider carrying a rainbowed peace sign, and an announcer dressed in a creamy pink dress suit, complete with a feathered hat. This, my friends, is what being alive is all about.

The gay community is inspiring in a way that they are open to people who want to be whoever they think they are. I loved being a part of this event, loved seeing the reactions of children to people dressed in magnificant, metallic dresses, the shockingly raw and hilarious, political commentary in front of City Hall. I even loved seeing the fear and excitement in the eyes of people who were there to support this community by marching beside their friends.

By the time my experience was over, I was unsure about who was what, or what was who.

The level of compassion and love mixed with fun that poured into the streets of Anchorage were enough to bring a smile to my face and tears in my eyes. What a great place we live in. How awesome it is that we can march in the middle of a street in underwear, with extravagant floats, and amazing costumes to celebrate humanity, not only in our city, but also in our country.

The MC of the festival said it best: "The days of "coming out" are so far past us. We have moved into the days where we are embracing each other as human beings. Were we are being seen and respected as human beings, like all human beings should."

It rang true to me, that like everything, the community of gay has evolved into something accepting, something loving, humane, ok. Without this acknowledgement, regardless of political stance, sexual or physical orientation, preference, or fear, our entire society takes the risk of staying merely animals.

2007-06-21T19:49:00.001-08:00

I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions. - Augusten Burroughs

Padded

2007-06-18T21:47:00.000-08:00

So sometimes you go through life just...padded. And this is what I mean...

So I'm at the store and I have to wear pads. When was the last time you wore pads? Just think about it for one second. It was probably when you were 14, and you just started to experience the natural womanly flow that happens. And because you didn't want to just start pluggin a hole, you most likely began with pads. Yeah, me too.

You can imagine the surprise it was to arrive in a grocery store at 7:30 am looking over a decade of feminine evolution. It took me ten minutes to realize that they now have pictures on the outside. So then I thought I was safe. I knew I just needed the short ones. So that's what I bought.

I'd really hate to see the long ones.

Needless to say, for the past five days I have been walking around with something short of a diaper between my legs. Imagine having to wear a down pillow there, while moving around, wearing normal clothing, and engaging in business. So forgive me if I've been a bit tempermental.

But wearing pads is the most uncomfortable, enconimally destroying thing I have ever had to participate in! I feel horrible that I had to in the first place.

But alas, I did. Who wears these things? I think the entire pad industry has to be based on new gals with periods under the age of 16.

The lesson here is a new profound appreciation for any man that has had to buy feminie hygenie products. For whatever reason. If I have a problem figuring it out, after ten years, I truly pity the man who has to make the decision in that life changing isle.

One Day.

2007-06-11T21:06:00.000-08:00

This Day. Who Day. Ho Day. See Day. Which way?

For the Love of Music

2007-04-21T16:12:00.000-08:00

I find it an interesting debate- the love and resistance of music. What is it about music that makes people turn the channel, talk openly, or act in a fit of panic?

Music is a form of expression. In this country, in civic organizations we belong, in our own homes and businesses, we allow the intrusion of music into our lives. Who determines the point when music is not appropriate for situations?

I am asking only because of a recent incident at a Chamber of Commerce event where the music from one of my stations was turned off mid-song because someone questioned if it was an "appropriate format" for this venture.

Why not?, I ask. What would be so bad about people actually bumpin' around together in the middle of a slow day at the Business Expo? What?, would the Anchorage Daily News dispatch the moles into the Egan Center to spy on the happenings there? And when they ended up reporting that people who had never met through a day long fair, were actually meeting each other because they enjoyed the music, it would be printed in a front cover story, and the Chamer would be looked at in a bad light? Perhaps it would draw a "wrong crowd" of business members into the organization. (Shhhh, liberals...)

It's an interesting study of human pyche-everyone is in the same place for the same reason, yet something entirely different, like music, establishes the one common ground needed to spark that important connection between humans. Isn't that the point of having functions such as these? Why hinder that because someone has to spend five minutes listening to music that is outside their comfort zone? In fact, I could even go so far as to argue that is actually a dis-service to the people who paid to come to this event, marketing their business, and have a good time. By monitoring the music based on personal opinion, they took the responsibily to jepordize a possible aspect no one expected.

Besides the "good time" aspect of my point, I am also insulted. The Chamber of Commerce is a membership organization that is supported, driven, and formed for members. As a member, I feel like the integrity of our sponsorship was waived when someone was uncomfortable with a particular song. Not only that, but the song was turned off in the middle- so EVERYONE knew it stopped. What upsets me the most, however, is that no one gave the curtiousy to my company to tell us what was going to transpire. One moment I'm listening to "Toosie Roll" the next moment the song is cut mid-rythm. No comprendo.

By turning off the music before telling us there was a problem was disrespectful to my product and my company. My product is music and as a sponsor, we were allowed to present the music we wanted for this event. There was no clause that stated "Overall music selection will be the final word of the Chamber of Commerce. Only listed formats are acceptable." By shutting the music off, without warning, the Chamber inadvertedly said, "Your product is not good enough for this event. We don't respect your company or your choice of music." When really, all the Chamber should be concerned about is supporting our business and the decisions we make (within reason, of course...)

This is a loosing battle, however. Nothing I say or do about this incident will help me. It will only hurt me. "Non-conformist!", I can hear them scream. "Troublemaker!" "Our organization is just fine being bone dry- so shut the hell up with your music debate."

Fine. I digress. But it makes me see clearly the politics of local civic organizations when something as simple and beautiful and connecting as music, is a place of real fear.

Perfect Failure

2007-04-07T14:31:00.000-08:00

Try as hard as we may for perfection, the net result of our labors is an amazing variety of imperfectness. We are surprised at our own versatility in being able to fail in so many different ways. - Samuel McChord Crothers

Game Called Life

2007-03-10T00:31:00.000-09:00

What a rollercoaster life we lead. One full of ups and downs, turns, and diversions, near hits and misses. It is not one of contentment and joy. But one that finds these in the subtle parts of everyday living.

...And what would this life be if it was not for that? Without these deep peaks and valleys, our heart and minds would be subject to contentment without persuasion, without the drive that forces us to make every situation better. Without these challenges in life, we would be drained of humanity and of love for better things.

This is a crazy place we live. In physical bodies that compound our souls to society, our minds to the masses. This life is a precious curse I believe we end by learning the rules of the game.

The Game.

An event, if you will, of no particular order or regulation, but one that people innately know and choose to abide or rebel and live with the consequences of the present society and realm of human thought and action.

Where are you in the Game of Life?

Outside Inside

2007-03-04T23:32:00.000-09:00

Outside, a cave of disillusion,
A spirit yearning to share,
A piece of itself no one has ever known
The owner cannot explain

The depths of it’s creation
The place where it is bred,
A magical place,
With white horses and castles
And flowers made of pastels

To this place so sacred,
I want to show you me,
But I cannot get through the thorns
That keep you from within my grasp
Still under a spell of longing for something more.

2007-01-18T22:39:00.000-09:00

Artist: Lyrics

Song: I Love To Laugh

Lyrics

Uncle Albert:I love to laugh

Loud and long and clear

I love to laugh

It's getting worse ev'ry year

The more I laugh

The more I fill with glee

And the more the glee

The more I'm a merrier me

It's embarrassing!

The more I'm a merrier me!

Mary Poppins: Some people laugh through their noses

Sounding something like this "Mmm..."

Some people laugh through their teeth goodness sake

Hissing and fizzing like snakes

Bert:Some laugh too fast

Some only blast - ha!

Others, they twitter like birds

Then there's the kind

What can't make up their mind

Uncle Albert:When things strike me as funny

I can't hide it inside

And squeak - as the squeakelers do

I've got to let go with a ho-ho-ho...

And a ha-ha-ha...too!

All:We love to laugh

Loud and long and clear

We love to laugh

So ev'rybody can hear

The more you laugh

The more you fill with glee

And the more the glee

The more we're a merrier we!

Daily Horoscope for Cancer

2007-01-14T22:43:00.000-09:00

Although you may feel fresh waves of emotions washing through your life, you aren't necessarily comfortable with the potential ahead. Restrictive Saturn is blocking your movement forward, reminding you today of your unfulfilled obligations. Meet your commitments over the next few days and then you will be ready to move on.

from tarot.com

China Garden

2007-01-13T03:48:00.000-09:00

YOUR LOVE LIFE WILL BE

HAPPY AND HARMONIOUS

01 05 06 14 31 40

Home, Home on the Range

2007-01-04T20:59:00.000-09:00

So I made it home and back again. I was so excited to be back on my own stomping grounds, back to the places where all my firsts happened in Creston, Iowa: my first broken heart, my first drink, my first home. As well as my second home, in Ames, Iowa- where I went to college, and made friends who would soon spread across the entire nation. With all the anticipation of coming home, smelling the familiar smells of the Midwest, and seeing the familiar grounds of Iowa, I forgot about one thing.

That eventually you have to say goodbye to it all again.

This lesson was pretty evident from the very beginning of the trip. Christmas is such a crazy time for people. Pressures mount around the holiday, gifts here, gifts there, family here, friends there. So many people are cramming in so many activities that soon I felt caught up in the whirlwind of it all.

I loved every minute of it. For days afterward I was still digesting the coversations I had with lost acquaintances, classmates from high school, sisters from my sorority. Life is evident still. It does go on. Mine, yours, everyone's. Even people who were still doing exactly the same thing at the same time everyday were still living in the experiences of everyone else around them.

There are so many wonderful memories I made during this trip that will last me a lifetime.

Of course, every trip has it's own personality and no matter how much you plan for it, things always end up a little differently than expected. For instance, I ended up being sick for a majority of the time. I dunno- some virus that tore apart my insides and made me feel like I was peeing out my ass- then a few days later turned it up a notch to the inside of my head and nose. The plane ride home is vaguely rememberable. Ah, who wants to remember plane rides, anyway-right?

No doubt the trip went fast, as I knew it would. I knew going into it what a precious opportunity it was to see and be a part of the lives again I used to know so well. In turn, I wanted to share a new part of myself that I have found while in Alaska, a part I am not so sure I could explain so well. I learned quickly though, that this trip really wasn't about me, but about the people who have shaped and molded me- the people I come from.

Afterall, that was the intent of my trip. That was what I was longing so much for. I wanted to be back amongst the people who knew me "back when", who could recall incredible encounters with the law, and breaking the law, that I guess I inteded to forget, and successfully did. I loved seeing everyone and had an amazing time with every person I met.

I realized, though, amongst all the celebration and laughs, that this is a place I used to belong when I used to be a fraction of the person I am now, and as I write this, I realize that these places will be places I always will belong, in a fraction.

How grateful I am to be able to look back with affection and fondness of the people I grew up with and the experiences I had with them. How fortunate I am to have such generous and caring people who will offer anything for my comfort, who appreciate my own choices and journeys in this life, who love me no matter where I am or what I look like.

Below are a few of the pictures I cherished while being home- there are so many. Coming back to Alaska, I brought with me the warm spirit of the Midwest that I love so much and cherish deeply as a part of who I am and what is ultimatly the most important to me. The people that surround me throughout this life are without a doubt the top tier of human beings.

To everyone in Alaska who helped me get there, and everyone in Iowa who helped me get back, thank you, I love you, and I cherish my friendships with each of you more than I could ever communitcate in any way.

...

2007-01-03T23:30:00.000-09:00

...

2007-01-03T22:02:00.000-09:00

On Being Second

2006-12-04T21:13:00.000-09:00

There is an advantage of being second. For one thing, the pressure of being first just doesn't exist. For another, being second means you still have a chance to move forward.

I've always been one to cheer for the underdog. I like the Bears, cheer for the Cubbies, heck even alma mater, Iowa State is regularly a second (though please don't use that as ammunition later). Being second gives you a sense of needed accomplishment. A place to gauge yourself. A time to know where you may and could belong.

I'm a usual contender for second, and I really don't mind. I don't like having a lot of pressure on me. I like to know that I have room to grow-someone to beat, because I know I can. I know what I can achieve, it's really all about how much I want to achieve it.

When being second, there are a few things you have to accept. You're not first, for one thing. Not being first is very difficult for a human. You accept being overlooked, you appreciate being overlooked, you desire to be overlooked. Because only then can you succeed past what everyone once thought you could be, not only to be first, but to be only.

Sometimes You Fall

2006-11-21T22:54:00.000-09:00

There are two things that are inevitable in Alaska:
1) it gets cold. 2) you will fall on ice.

Damn, I was doing so good until Saturday. It really hasn't snowed for about three weeks, so now everything left over is residual snow packed into a tricky form of ice. You know that kind of ice. The kind that hides itself in the shadows of the trees and pavement, awaiting the first touch of your shoe, so as to slide you down and feel the warm of your body against it. Except it's not really a slide. It's more like a splat or shatter.

There are different kind of falls. The half fall, where you are lucky enough to catch yourself and redeem face. Sometimes you catch yourself with your hands. A slight balance with the fingertips to steady the fall from being a fall and only a slip.

Or the backwards glide where your arms go flying behind your back and head in large motions circulating the arm socket just enough to find the balance and straighten the spine.

The arms play a very important role in saving a fall or slip. If you are carrying something like groceries, you have to be sure to extend the bags as a continuation of your arms. If you have books wrapped in your arms or bags strung across your shoulders, your arms really have to be a part of your core, so you have to walk swiftly in one motion.

Well, Saturday was a combination of all thee above. There was only one person who saw me, and he can attest, it really included a dramatic character of each arm, core, leg working in one opposite direction where I caught myself halfway down, then on the balance up, slipped with the other leg backwards, so now one is propped on the step and the other aiming directly for a bank of snow. I also had a cigarette in one hand and wine in the other, and sporting a huge furry coat and heels. Smart Alaskan Girl.

Tonight was just as comical, but instead of the combination-catch-fall, my arms and legs all ended in a displaced fashion and I may have even hit my head. Of course when you find yourself in a Bambi-the-kid position, only in a dark driveway and halfway under a truck, you aren't immediately struck with a way to get up. There is no place that offers any kind of leverage to lift your upper body up enough to pull your legs back under you. Moving on all fours, you find it hard to find anywhere to place your foot to pull all your leg weight into your middle to lift your upper body. It's a really hard place to be.

I somehow managed and halfway up almost said forget it! Run me over! I think it would feel better than the intense pain I feel throughout my legs and neck and spine when standing up. I started to cry like a child who just realized you stuck him with a needle while smiling. It was more of a whimper. Then I almost said: forget it! I'm not going! But then I looked into the window where Denise was peering over with her fur surrounding her face, eyes wide open and mouthed gaped. I crawled into the El Camino and whimpered to her.

Both were excellent party recreations. So, here's a laugh at my expense. :)

2006-11-14T09:08:00.000-09:00

If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane. - Jimmy Buffett

I Have a Crush

2006-11-13T20:52:00.000-09:00

I have a crush
Someone who can keep my thoughts occupied in my sleep
Someone I can dream about in the daytime
Someone whom I wonder if wondering about me.

I have a crush
I have to keep confined
Because telling of this crush would ultimately impair the outcome of the relationship.

This is not easy.

I have a crush
whom I treat with ignorance
with silence, with spite
because in my mouth is a nasty taste of bitterness
from the last crush
Crushed.

What do I do?

Delight in the angst of the crush?
Relish in the immediacy of unpredictability?
Enjoy this feeling of being a Hunter
and not the hunted.

Why, yes, I think I will.
And own the lion's den where I sleep
And own the place I keep sacred in my heart
And own the outcome of my choices.

But I have a crush
That makes me forget my hardships
and opens me up to the unpredictability
of the thing I may be worst at.

Relationships.

Whoops!

2006-11-08T21:56:00.000-09:00

Seems like every other voting state got the memo. Democrat is the new Red. Except for Alaska.

Sara Palin? Really?

I am still in shock as I write today. I feel like a major force of history has just slammed into the state. A sudden death, suffocation, grief. All of these feelings, and not of a loss of person, because Murkowski wasn't much to savor, but for a loss of patriotism.

I've been saying it for awhile, and maybe because it's true. A revolution is coming. And if this doesn't prove there should be one, I think I will be packing off to live elsewhere.

At first I was really giving Sara Palin a chance. I liked the idea of a woman running The Last Frontier. I liked that our state is in a very politically critical place right now, and leaving it up to a woman might not be a bad idea. But after she won the primary, I began to listen and watch her closer and these are my observations:

1) She's young. Young in age, of course, but also young in politics. You can tell by how honest she is. I actually thought she had committed her own campaign suicide by how honest she was. Of course, honestly, most of this has been proven mere ignorance.

2) I think she never really thought she could win. I think she cowered in second place under the shadow of Governor Tony Knowles and glared sharing the spotlight with Andrew Halcro.

3) I think she ran a horrible campaign because she wasn't truly prepared for the intensity of this game. And started it off wrong with saying "not about politics as usual", then having to go to the mudslinging match anyway. Even if you try to uphold a notion such as this, it truly is setting yourself up as a target to fail. Why not focus on something that means a new action?

4) I was disgusted by her answer in the ADN when she was asked where she would take someone very important in Alaska to eat. She said she wouldn't take them out, she would make them blueberry pie at home instead. I really want to see her as governor baking blueberry pies in her Wasilla home.

Although I am not happy about Sara Palin being governor of Alaska for two years, I am certianly interested to see how she does. Where will our country be in two years? We will have a new president. With the Democrats leading the Senate and House, I hope they can produce someone from the party who can run and win. Our country is sad. And our President is an idiot. I guess all those hippie dippy 70's party-type people shouldn't have experienced so much with "weapons of mass destruction."

A few things to say about politics in Alaska:

I think the election of a female governor shows that Alaska, although very red, will take chances if they feel it will be for the best. I thought it was so interesting to hear who people were voting for. Republicans were voting for Knowles, Activists for Halco, Women and the Valley for Palin. It would be interesting to see how many people voted within their party. I cast my vote in my party, but I wasn't too happy about it. I felt like a victim of the electoral college. Because I have declared myself of a certain party for a certain reason (mostly because they asked me if I was Democrat or Republican at the DMV), I am automatically pressured into voting for that candidate. Parties count on your vote. I think Tony Knowles expected it more than he should have. About 40% of the population in Anchorage was not here when Knowles was the governor. There is hardly any loyality left to him (obviously).

All three candidates ran horrible campaigns. Sara and Tony were lost in a pissing match and a game of "mine is bigger". Niether one of them really gave the other time to feel comfortable enough to answer questions on the issues that Alaskans wanted to know about. Halco just didn't have the money or backing, and came into the game too late. I actually signed a petition to allow him to be on the ballet as an Indepedent. What? I'm a liberal. I think if someone wants to be on the ballet, they should be. When you think about it, the sole initiative is a testament to his character. I was unimpressed by the childish accusations and slander happening between the candidates. I was bored with "politics worse than usual" and wish the only thing each candidate could talk about was the gas pipeline.

Which brings me here to the issue: Alaskans mostly want to know when the hell state representatives are going to pull their heads out of each other's asses enough to build a friggen pipeline so we can all eat happy. Frank Murkowski has not been succcessful in solidifing an agreeable contract for a natural gas pipeline. Why? My personal opinion (and I'm not offended if you don't share) is because someone else wants to do it. The Democrats want to do it. Valdez wants to do it. The gas companies want to do it. Fairbanks wants to do it. But no one can agree to how, because everyone is being greedy, playing the game with tainted glasses and shifty eyes. Well, the time is here, and Alaska will be under the gubernatorial power of a young, local, hot-ass woman. I don't agree with her plan for the LGN project. Taking this route is truly irresponsible and risky. I think her strategy for overcoming this challenge is extreme, for obvious reasons, but also because she began to sing a different tune soon after her primary election.

I think Sara Palin may just be the best answer Alaska had to offer at the time. I think she signifies lots of scary things- not only about her stint as a governor, but also the power the people really do have when they realize their importance to the future of our country. I am excited for her and terrified for her. I do think she is strong, though, and if anyone thought the boys in AK were tough, I'm sure WA will make them look like cold musk ox, cold and harmless. Time will tell. Good luck to her, and Good Luck to Us.

Today is a Good Day

2006-10-26T10:29:00.000-08:00

For a couple of reasons:

1) My flight E-tickets were waiting for me this morning in my mailbox! YAY! I am finally going home! For real.

2) It's snowing outside. Yesterday it snowed very little, but it was beautiful, big flakes slowly falling and instantly melting. This morning I was delighted to find a dusting of the white stuff on my car, and it has continued to fall since.

I have a very good feeling that this winter is going to be extraordinary. I can feel it in my bones, in my gut. I think we are going to get a LOT of snow, and I resolve to play in it as much as I can. I don't think it is going to be extremely, bitterly cold this winter- which will add to the grand possibility of MORE SNOW! And I am learning how to ski, damn it. Time to buck up and truely embrace our arctic climate. HELLO WINTER- I MISSED YOU!

Why I Hate Wal-Mart

2006-10-15T18:25:00.000-08:00

Without any disrespect to the people down South, I totally hate Wal-Mart- and everything it represents about America.

I've never experienced Wal-Marts anywhere else the way they are in Alaska. Trashy, crowded, understaffed. It's a chore to go there any time of day and face the hord of people, each with six children under the age of six, and all with no sense of direction or acknowledgement of any other person.

Did you know that Wal-Mart no longer offers hand baskets to shop with? Oh, no. That is much too small. So, for a single person, I have no choice but to add to the clutter and confusion with a cart that is far too big for whatever I need to pick up- which is just enough to need something to carry it in.

Something else...

This is the second Sunday that the Four Fathers of Sunday are not on. I know what kind of life I lead, when I look forward to Sunday nights with cartoons, but that's not the point. A way to begin my week is to stimulate my brain with symantics, tounge and cheek political slams, and humor all at once is the point. Instead, the airwaves are congested with football and baseball. I am forced to choose between sad local television, America's Funny Home Videos, and a re-run of Top Model, with horrible Tyra Banks. Now, it looks like I will soon be forced to watch 7th Heaven. I only watch television on Sundays for one reason, and I get really upset when that hunger is not fed. My week just isnt the same without Homer, Peter, American Dad, and the human one.

Oh and...

Subway is repeatedly dissapointing. Seriously. It first started happening when I was in high school and they made the decision to stop burrowing out the bread in the sandwhich. Horrible marketing, in my very expert and highly valued opinion. The very trait that signifies a Subway sandwhich was depleted and thrown back into the line-up of every other fast-food sandwhich. Then, they began bagging your meat choices into pre-weighed portions, and began using an ultra small tuna scooper. Then the new era of Subway started with the introduction of the "Jared Campaign", six different kinds of bread to choice from, four different cheeses, and an inflation of prices. They give you the wrap, they taketh the wrap. Now, tonight, the icing on the cake, is the steak and cheese have been re-introduced, but they forgot to mention that the steak is in chunks now, instead of thin flank sauteed with small pieces of green pepper. Now the green pepper has been combined with red pepper and make up for about fifty percent of the pre-determined portion. (Also, back to that point, adds to the already excessive amount of waste they are dropping through those small squares on the sandwhich line. Our landfills are mulipling as we speak with 4oz paper bags that smell like onions and meat.) Ah, I digress. But what the hell is up with Subway?

I do ultimately blame Wal-Mart for all of the above reasons and also for hunger and child labor in China.

Moving Again

2006-10-08T21:12:00.000-08:00

I'm moving again. Boxes are everywhere. Random items lie around me-ones that don't belong in a particular group.

A boxing glove.
A plastic pair of gloves for cleaning.
Two hand wraps.
A tape dispenser.
A calendar.
A pipe.

There is something relieving about moving. It keeps you always aware of what you have. Why have all this?

Nigak is not quite sure what is happening. She keeps close to me- not close enough to touch. But close enough to know that she's close. It's my goal to play with her at least thirty minutes every day. I figure that is the very least she deserves.

But I'm a busy gal. And there are reasons why I own a cat. And because they can be alone is one of them.

Moving is a time to reassess your life. You have to touch everything you own. And decide whether or not you want to keep it or throw it away. Most the time its a keep. But you still have to ask yourself that question with every single thing you touch.

I don't want to move junk. I don't want to move, or live, in clutter.

Someone the other day told me he won a $100 clay bowl from a fundraiser. He described how beautifully crafted the piece was. He then told me how he gave it to a mother of his friend. When I asked him why didn't he keep it, he replied that he was a traveller. He didn't need something like that. But it brought the woman joy.

Regardless, I don't want to own junk. And I don't want to keep junk. Going through it every once in a while is a good time to make sure I don't.

What's the craziest thing you own?

Starbucks Insight #135

2006-10-06T10:43:00.000-08:00

"Wrangling fear in the biggest challenge the world faces now and the challenge we all face, now and again, at our crossroads, in the dark moments, at those times we are asked to compromise, at those times when we know deep down that we must revolutionize our own lives."

--Holly Morris
Author of Adventure Divas: Searching the Globe for a New Kind of Heroine.

Dating at 25

2006-10-04T20:27:00.000-08:00

dating at 25 can be an overwhelming and incredibly fucked up experience. with a few little tips from someone who knows nothing except for how to be 25, I hope you will at least find humor in the trials and tribulations of dating, no matter what age, and hopefully realize the plethora of women who are still seeking for just Someone- not just "The One".

The first thing you have to do is discover what you want in a man.

Phyiscally, for example: How old? What color? How tall? With or without hair? may be a few questions you want to ponder. Emotionally is he: Mature? Aware? Content? and Mentally is he: Competent? Affluent? Educated?

Secondly you must consider his level of courteously: Does he open doors? Call you mother ma'am? Speak highly of your friends? Make you dinner?

Next component is extracurricular: Is he active? Does he have hobbies? Do you share these hobbies (or at least find them interesting)?

All of these questions can be answered "yes" or "no" depending on what you prefer to have a someone who shares the most intimate part of your life.

It goes without saying that there are many men who will actually fit the mold for what you are looking for and absolutely be the worst possible match you could make. So it goes. Keep moving. Life is a short ride, albeit, bumpy, with potholes, and slick spots, but it is the ride that makes everything worth it.

I like using the road analogy to relate to life. It's simple, but makes so much sense. Every time you get into your car and drive away from your home, you enter onto a road filled with the same and very different people and suddenly everyone is on the same playing ground. Sometimes you have a choice in the direction you want to drive. Sometimes, it is the only way to get to where you are aiming to go. But along the way are many other routes. Exit ramps to deter you from the route you planned on. And once you decide to exit a route, there awaits twenty other roads that also look compelling for you to accomplish what it is you were setting out to do in the first place. Or compelling enough to forget about whatever it was you were setting out to accomplish and accomplish something different instead.

Whatever road we end up taking, it is for a reason. What is it? you may ask. Ah, but only we can determine that. Or resolve not to determine it and just let it happen. That is the difference between getting somewhere you want to go and letting the road lead you to where you should be.

Hopefully, somewhere you find along the way someone who is also going in the same direction.

Good Day

2006-10-01T16:59:00.000-08:00

Jewel

i say to myself, self
why are you awake again? it's one a.m.
standin' with the fridge wide open, starin'
such a sight, florescent light- the stars are bright-might make a wish
if i believed in that shit
but as it is i might watch t.v.
cause it's nice to see poeple can be
more messed up than me
i say to myself
as i smile at the walls
let myself fall

it's gonna be alright
no matter what they say
it's gonna be a good day
just wait and see
it's gonna be alright
cause i'm okay with me

i shiver shut the door
can't think standin' here no more
i'm alone my mind's racing heart breaking
can you be everything i need you to be?
can you protect me like a daughter
can you love me like a father
can you drink me like water
say i'm like the desert
just way hotter
the point of it all
is that if i should fall
it's still your name i call

it's gonna be alright
no matter what they say
it's going to be a good day
just wait and see
it's gonna be ok
cause i'm ok with me
it's gonna be, it's gonna be, as long as we- laugh out loud-laugh like we are mad
cause this crazy mixed up beauty is all that we have
because what's love, but an itch we can't scrathc
a joke we can't catch
god but still we laugh
get back in bed
turn off the t.v.
you say it'll be alright, baby
just wait and see

uh-oh i'm awake again, it's one a.m.
staring
such a sight
well at least the stars are bright

FYI

2006-09-17T20:26:00.000-08:00

I believe that street names may sometimes lead to a conclusion of the place where I am.

Example:

Cope Street

Sunrise Drive

Greenley Street

21st Avenue

Where will I go next?